Well I know some of you are wondering why on earth am I talking about it when I am not even married? Well I have been going steady with my girlfriend for almost 12 years now and mind you, this love relationship have lasted more years than an average marriage does. I met some old college friends recently who got married in their late twenties but unfortunately they are divorced now and I was told that their marriage only lasted for about 3 years. Believe me that after being with someone for 12 years is no longer like- Cupid- Just-Shot- His Love Arrow- into your heart. A solid 12 years of Love relationship will eventually become a Husband-Wife type of relationship minus the legal documents of course. Anyways the reason why I'm pondering over this subject-matter is because one of my colleagues is getting married come this July and she asked me this ultimate question: What makes a Happy Relationship? I am not a 'Guru' on relationships but from my own relationship with my beautiful Rose, I have something to tell and share about what makes the flame in the relationship burning whether be it in a marriage, love or friendship and I will give you some answers to a happy relationship and of course... lah Happy Marriage too .
Well, Men and women need answers, Men need to be desired and women need to be loved... We all want and need more love into our Lives. When two people decide to be together, it is because they are hoping that this person will be able to fullfill their every need. They want to feel safe and secure, loved and desired, romanced and respected. We all have these qualities, but sometimes we just tend to take things for granted and lose appreciation for what really matters. (Sharing love!) Lets get focused and back on track. Spark that fire, enhance romance, and spice it up. For sure you will be delighted. Don't be the man without love or the women seeking love...Answer these questions: Do you want a more passionate and romantic relationship? Do you want more happiness and love in your life and in your marriage? Do you want a more satisfying and fulfilling marriage/relationship? If you have ever asked yourself any of these questions you need an approach to finding and achieving greater love, joy and well being in your life and in your marriage/relationship. How do you develop all the qualities that love generates to make your life happier and healthier? Loving means caring for the well being of us and others, sharing the good times and the challenging times, sharing what is on our minds and hearts. How do you love others more? You already give all you got. There is a way. You can have more loving, caring, sharing, and affection, better relationships, more fun and more bliss in your relationship. Let's encounter the challenges, between the both of you can succeed. Why not take charge of your life and your marriage/relationship, practice the things you know will bring more of the good life. Deep inside of you there are powers that if discovered and used would allow you to achieve all that you ever dreamed or imagined you could become.Go For it! You can do it! You're the Best!Do yourself a favour and start doing it now ... Don't start when it is too late. It takes TWO TO TANGO. Relationship or Marriage is not a one-way street. It is a two-way street. Love is a beautiful thing ...We all need to be desired, loved and need attention. MARRIED PEOPLE NEED TO STAY HAPPILY MARRIED. LOVERS WANT TO BE ALWAYS HAPPY TOGETHER. NEWLY WEDS LOOK FORWARD TO EXCITING TIME TOGETHER. All of us are looking for the ultimatum-HAPPINESS IN A RELATIONSHIP. How do we keep the relationship burning with flames and without too much of smoke?
LIKE I SAID I'M NOT A 'GURU' BUT HERE ARE SOME ANSWERS TO A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU TO PONDER ON AND USE IT IN YOUR LIFE- THAT ALSO IF YOU WANT TO.....
* Be spontaneous with your partner, it is a way to help your relationship flourish. Being spontaneous with your partner can enrich and strengthen your intimate moments. try something that you have been wanting to do.
*Make Touching And Hugging each other a 'Religion'. They say, the more you touch a person the more closer they will get to you. Touching makes the bond stronger. Next time do watch Discovery Channel on Animal Kingdom and see for yourself how touching is practiced in the animal world to ensure a strong bond among the clan. If couples can touch a lot during courting times then this should be carried into the marriage as well.
* Talk, listen and laugh together and become best friends. You will soon start creating a bond of intimacy. Be sincere open and honest. Always Communicate about love, sex and the relationship.
* Send Love Notes, post them everywhere, tell them how gorgeous, handsome, Beautiful, sexy, how much you love them, be creative be specific.... (You have brains don't you?)
* Compliment each other lovingly in public and in privacy, show affection for each other ... (Don't be afraid to kiss in public)
* Show them how much your really care by being responsive, caring and loving whole heartedly. Do the little things that say I love you and care for you. (Put you ego aside)
* Respect each other whole heatedly, partners who treat each other with kind and respect know that it is essential for having a deep connections and loving relationship..
* Be a good partner --regularly get them something you know they will like and enjoy ..
* Don't let negative or annoying comments bother you, discuss the negativity when you are both calm.
* Communicating without fear is absolutely essential to building the deepest kind of friendship and intimate partner. Love is a Beautiful thing! Let's share it ...Expect marital problems, but keep in mind that if your partner does not want to take part it could be that your partner could be feeling hurt and disappointed in the relationship because their need has been misunderstood or neglected. Understand the problem and if you need help seek help from friends or family before it becomes a nightmare.
Relationships need to be nurtured and fed with Vitamins and the Vitamin is called LOVE. It takes a lot of understanding, dedication, love and sacrifice from the two of you to keep the FLAME BURNING. If you want to keep "The Marriage/Love/Relationship" then you must be prepared to make this sacrifices to find happiness. You must enter into a conscious, honest marriage, and you have a good chance of keeping your Love, for the rest of your lives, and beyond.
The other option, of course would be to file for divorce and exit from the relationship to find the next level of happiness... Being You!
![CoffeeShopTalk 69 [Indi's Travelogue]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg06J1M4Y5LIs4KhI-H4uFDcLvNlurRMTQB0qudracdhNfS__AtS5ocOOpOLneBDfHOVaGFWfPSuhadzgOAKfTAEUH7T4Db-8GCsLMBTQtboMcPNEUyIK1miyWl0y8PV6mR5E9-nimVDqOV/s1600/COFEESHOP2.JPG)
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Friday, February 29, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Life And When Is It Time To Change it?
Life changes.. that's what people tell you when there are changes in their lives. We speak of life almost everyday. As I watch my colleague C slowly transforming from a bubbly little girl into a mother today, makes me truly admire life and the choices that we have in our life, and the changes that can come about by making choices or not making choices.
How do we know the time is right to make it happen for us? Well, we don’t. Who knows when it is the right time to make a change in your life? I can, however, share with you when is not the time: When you are in your grave. That is going to be a little late for everyone.
People will tell you that today you should think about tomorrow, that you should be realistic, reasonable, and responsible in what you want for the future. You know what they are really saying - they don’t think you can achieve, and they don’t want you to be disappointed when you do not achieve. And these are the people closest to you. They really do care and they don’t want you to get hurt going for the brass ring, for the gold, for everything in life. People close to you will kill your dreams faster than anyone.
So, when do you start and what do you want- not what does someone else want for you.
When do you decide to take a risk and move forward with your life? I read another sad story a few days ago, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, by Mitch Albom, and the story was about a man in his eighties who dies. Now, the interesting part of the story to me is how the man lived his life, and that in the end all of his thoughts and dreams were of something other than the life he had lived. He never achieved what he wanted in life. He thought of achieving some greatness and moving on from where he was born to do other things in life, but in the end he died in his parents’ apartment that he moved into after his mother died. He lived there with his wife until she died, and then lived the rest of his life doing the same thing that he had done all of his life. He died in an accident, and as people came into his apartment to finalize his death they found a neat apartment that was clean, and did not have much in it. He was a simple man who thought about dreams, yet decided the dreams were not meant for him. A man that was good, and his final act in life was to save a life.
This is making the story simple, but the point I am trying to make here is to ask, when is the time to take a risk to move forward in life?
When is not the time? When do we not take risk in our lives? When do we wait and hope that our lives will change? Life will not change unless you make a choice, and just because you make a choice doesn’t mean that something is going to happen.
The man in the story thought about change, he even thought about making a choice to change his life, but he couldn’t see himself changing. If you don’t see yourself changing in your mind’s eye then it won’t happen, because you see yourself as someone who is X, not XX. And until you can see yourself as something other than you are right now, you won’t change, because you can’t. You are afraid of the things that might happen, or not happen. Your fears of the unknown and possible failure keep your self-image where it is now. This fear will not allow your self-image to grow, and if your self-image will not grow then any choices you make that would make a change in your life can’t happen. If you can’t see yourself change, you can’t change.
If you can’t see yourself change, then you have fear of failure and success. It becomes difficult to set goals and develop a definition of who you are. Your attitude, while it may not be negative, isn’t positive. You don’t see yourself taking risk in life; as a result, you might make life worse than it is right now, rather than better.
When is the time to take a risk and start to do the things that you would like to do? If it isn’t now, when is it?
And what sort of risk should you take? Should you put your toe in the water and see how the temperature is? Should you jump in and get wet, and get used to the water temperature? Some people will tell you to go slow and others will say go for it, but you have to go forward and at least put a toe in to start your self-talk that you can change. You do have choices.
There is risk in living life. Risk is something that none of us want in life for the most part. We would like everything to be guaranteed. Yet no matter what, nothing in life is guaranteed.
Your time for happiness is not guaranteed; your time for sadness is not guaranteed. No one knows when you are going to die. No one knows whether you’re going to have children, or how many. No one knows if you are going to get a divorce. No one knows if you are going to have an accident. No one knows the future, and what you are going to make of your future is going to be pretty much up to you. I would say that everything is up to you in the long run and even in the short run. Right now you can make a decision to change or not to change.
So when is the time to start to make your dreams come true? When is the time to start to dream? And as you dream those thoughts, do you think that you could ever make them a reality?
When do we stop being afraid of life and take charge of what is important to us? What happens to the people around us as we take charge of our own life?
What a difference it would make if we at least thought of the things that we would like to do and wrote those things down on a piece of paper. If we can put our thoughts about what is really important to us on paper, could we see that these things would be good for our life and that it would be worth the risk to move forward and change our thinking about who we might be and who we might be able to become?
You have the power in your mind that can be translated into a physical form so that you can clearly define what you think would be good for you in your life. What will make a difference to you and the people around you?
Do you think that the people around you want you to be the same all of your life and never change and grow? Well, sometimes we do. Don’t we wish our children would be one age and never grow up? Probably not really, but I hear parents say how some age was such a great age for their kids, and now that their kids are older they are different, like teenagers that want to live their own lives. Very dangerous stuff. Someone lives their own life, and then what happens - why do we lose all of that vim and vigor for life and settle down to a nice quiet life? Why do we change? Has life beaten us down by the time we are 30 or more so that we no longer want the big dreams? Or do we still want them someplace in our hearts but have given up and resigned ourselves to where we are now in our life, never taking a risk or going forward.
Why do we do that to ourselves? Our friends and relatives will tell us that we have grown up and matured in life.
We lose the time of our life and move forward to being mature, responsible, reasonable, and realistic. And then we die. It doesn’t seem that we need to wait for death; I think we find it when we don’t do anything about living for today, changing our present so that our future changes.
When is the time to fire up your life- you can start now, because what you think is what you will become. Whatever you think in your present will become your future. If you think this or that you will become it. As Shah Rukh Khan said, “Change a person’s mind and you change their life.”
Last Saturday morning I watched Selamat Pagi Malaysia and during one of the hours of the show they talked about goals, who has them, and what it takes to achieve them. Well, not very many people called in, and after the show the host said, “What do you expect? No one has any goals.”
Shocking, isn’t it? We don’t have goals to control the time that we live. We just go with the flow like a river that takes the easy way around every obstacle. It seems sad that while the simple act of writing down what you want will make a difference in your life, we don’t do that simple act.
I wonder why, if we know that we could change our life just by writing things down, that we don’t do it. We know that goals can change our life and yet we don’t have any.
Oh, maybe we have some dreams, but we dismiss dreams as just that - things that we dream about but that could never be real.
I want to tell you my dear friends that your dreams can be real, but you have to take real action. And the time to take action is now!
We do things that are destructive to our lives. I do, you do, we all do. But we don’t have to continue to do these things in our lives if we have alternatives.
And what are those alternatives? Things that we have written down so that we become what we want, not just what we end up. We don’t want to become things that have been told to us and we now believe.
What if a teacher, a counselor, a religious person, a politician(since elections are around the corner), someone that has a position of power tells you something that is negative about yourself- do you believe them?
Do you program yourself because of what other people have said about you?
I know that people have told me that I was a dreamer, that I will never ever get my LLB, and that I should just get a job or help dad at the restaurant for the rest of my life or just go to work, make some money and not hope for too much.
People may have told you that you are just normal, that you are just someone who should be happy with what you have and you shouldn’t go for more, and so you don’t have any goals. You don’t aspire for more and accept that what you have now is what you are going to have in the future, and you have given up on life. So when someone talks about goals or great things that could happen to you, you dismiss them as dreams, as something that will never happen in your life.
Well now is the time to break out. Please, if not for the people around you, then for me my dear friends. Start living the life that you want.
In a way, you do live the life you want anyway; whatever you think now will become your future, whether it happens slowly or quickly.
Whatever you think now becomes your future.
What do you want the future of you to look like?
You know we must always focus on the good things that we accomplish instead of the bad things. You know that teachers, coaches and bosses like to point out the bad, so you need to focus on the good things that you accomplish.
You just have to pick out the positive in your life and concentrate on that and what you are doing now - not in the future - to make your life better.
This is not some kind of magic but just a way of looking at yourself in a different light.
You are a winner. You can succeed. You have done many things that are great accomplishments. What are they? Remind yourself.
The time is now to tell yourself the truth about yourself: you can be anything that you want to be, and you should feel good about yourself. You are successful, because you accomplish things that are important to you.
Take out that pen and spend some time on you and what you have accomplished, and what you are doing now. Life Changes so must you my dear friends...
How do we know the time is right to make it happen for us? Well, we don’t. Who knows when it is the right time to make a change in your life? I can, however, share with you when is not the time: When you are in your grave. That is going to be a little late for everyone.
People will tell you that today you should think about tomorrow, that you should be realistic, reasonable, and responsible in what you want for the future. You know what they are really saying - they don’t think you can achieve, and they don’t want you to be disappointed when you do not achieve. And these are the people closest to you. They really do care and they don’t want you to get hurt going for the brass ring, for the gold, for everything in life. People close to you will kill your dreams faster than anyone.
So, when do you start and what do you want- not what does someone else want for you.
When do you decide to take a risk and move forward with your life? I read another sad story a few days ago, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, by Mitch Albom, and the story was about a man in his eighties who dies. Now, the interesting part of the story to me is how the man lived his life, and that in the end all of his thoughts and dreams were of something other than the life he had lived. He never achieved what he wanted in life. He thought of achieving some greatness and moving on from where he was born to do other things in life, but in the end he died in his parents’ apartment that he moved into after his mother died. He lived there with his wife until she died, and then lived the rest of his life doing the same thing that he had done all of his life. He died in an accident, and as people came into his apartment to finalize his death they found a neat apartment that was clean, and did not have much in it. He was a simple man who thought about dreams, yet decided the dreams were not meant for him. A man that was good, and his final act in life was to save a life.
This is making the story simple, but the point I am trying to make here is to ask, when is the time to take a risk to move forward in life?
When is not the time? When do we not take risk in our lives? When do we wait and hope that our lives will change? Life will not change unless you make a choice, and just because you make a choice doesn’t mean that something is going to happen.
The man in the story thought about change, he even thought about making a choice to change his life, but he couldn’t see himself changing. If you don’t see yourself changing in your mind’s eye then it won’t happen, because you see yourself as someone who is X, not XX. And until you can see yourself as something other than you are right now, you won’t change, because you can’t. You are afraid of the things that might happen, or not happen. Your fears of the unknown and possible failure keep your self-image where it is now. This fear will not allow your self-image to grow, and if your self-image will not grow then any choices you make that would make a change in your life can’t happen. If you can’t see yourself change, you can’t change.
If you can’t see yourself change, then you have fear of failure and success. It becomes difficult to set goals and develop a definition of who you are. Your attitude, while it may not be negative, isn’t positive. You don’t see yourself taking risk in life; as a result, you might make life worse than it is right now, rather than better.
When is the time to take a risk and start to do the things that you would like to do? If it isn’t now, when is it?
And what sort of risk should you take? Should you put your toe in the water and see how the temperature is? Should you jump in and get wet, and get used to the water temperature? Some people will tell you to go slow and others will say go for it, but you have to go forward and at least put a toe in to start your self-talk that you can change. You do have choices.
There is risk in living life. Risk is something that none of us want in life for the most part. We would like everything to be guaranteed. Yet no matter what, nothing in life is guaranteed.
Your time for happiness is not guaranteed; your time for sadness is not guaranteed. No one knows when you are going to die. No one knows whether you’re going to have children, or how many. No one knows if you are going to get a divorce. No one knows if you are going to have an accident. No one knows the future, and what you are going to make of your future is going to be pretty much up to you. I would say that everything is up to you in the long run and even in the short run. Right now you can make a decision to change or not to change.
So when is the time to start to make your dreams come true? When is the time to start to dream? And as you dream those thoughts, do you think that you could ever make them a reality?
When do we stop being afraid of life and take charge of what is important to us? What happens to the people around us as we take charge of our own life?
What a difference it would make if we at least thought of the things that we would like to do and wrote those things down on a piece of paper. If we can put our thoughts about what is really important to us on paper, could we see that these things would be good for our life and that it would be worth the risk to move forward and change our thinking about who we might be and who we might be able to become?
You have the power in your mind that can be translated into a physical form so that you can clearly define what you think would be good for you in your life. What will make a difference to you and the people around you?
Do you think that the people around you want you to be the same all of your life and never change and grow? Well, sometimes we do. Don’t we wish our children would be one age and never grow up? Probably not really, but I hear parents say how some age was such a great age for their kids, and now that their kids are older they are different, like teenagers that want to live their own lives. Very dangerous stuff. Someone lives their own life, and then what happens - why do we lose all of that vim and vigor for life and settle down to a nice quiet life? Why do we change? Has life beaten us down by the time we are 30 or more so that we no longer want the big dreams? Or do we still want them someplace in our hearts but have given up and resigned ourselves to where we are now in our life, never taking a risk or going forward.
Why do we do that to ourselves? Our friends and relatives will tell us that we have grown up and matured in life.
We lose the time of our life and move forward to being mature, responsible, reasonable, and realistic. And then we die. It doesn’t seem that we need to wait for death; I think we find it when we don’t do anything about living for today, changing our present so that our future changes.
When is the time to fire up your life- you can start now, because what you think is what you will become. Whatever you think in your present will become your future. If you think this or that you will become it. As Shah Rukh Khan said, “Change a person’s mind and you change their life.”
Last Saturday morning I watched Selamat Pagi Malaysia and during one of the hours of the show they talked about goals, who has them, and what it takes to achieve them. Well, not very many people called in, and after the show the host said, “What do you expect? No one has any goals.”
Shocking, isn’t it? We don’t have goals to control the time that we live. We just go with the flow like a river that takes the easy way around every obstacle. It seems sad that while the simple act of writing down what you want will make a difference in your life, we don’t do that simple act.
I wonder why, if we know that we could change our life just by writing things down, that we don’t do it. We know that goals can change our life and yet we don’t have any.
Oh, maybe we have some dreams, but we dismiss dreams as just that - things that we dream about but that could never be real.
I want to tell you my dear friends that your dreams can be real, but you have to take real action. And the time to take action is now!
We do things that are destructive to our lives. I do, you do, we all do. But we don’t have to continue to do these things in our lives if we have alternatives.
And what are those alternatives? Things that we have written down so that we become what we want, not just what we end up. We don’t want to become things that have been told to us and we now believe.
What if a teacher, a counselor, a religious person, a politician(since elections are around the corner), someone that has a position of power tells you something that is negative about yourself- do you believe them?
Do you program yourself because of what other people have said about you?
I know that people have told me that I was a dreamer, that I will never ever get my LLB, and that I should just get a job or help dad at the restaurant for the rest of my life or just go to work, make some money and not hope for too much.
People may have told you that you are just normal, that you are just someone who should be happy with what you have and you shouldn’t go for more, and so you don’t have any goals. You don’t aspire for more and accept that what you have now is what you are going to have in the future, and you have given up on life. So when someone talks about goals or great things that could happen to you, you dismiss them as dreams, as something that will never happen in your life.
Well now is the time to break out. Please, if not for the people around you, then for me my dear friends. Start living the life that you want.
In a way, you do live the life you want anyway; whatever you think now will become your future, whether it happens slowly or quickly.
Whatever you think now becomes your future.
What do you want the future of you to look like?
You know we must always focus on the good things that we accomplish instead of the bad things. You know that teachers, coaches and bosses like to point out the bad, so you need to focus on the good things that you accomplish.
You just have to pick out the positive in your life and concentrate on that and what you are doing now - not in the future - to make your life better.
This is not some kind of magic but just a way of looking at yourself in a different light.
You are a winner. You can succeed. You have done many things that are great accomplishments. What are they? Remind yourself.
The time is now to tell yourself the truth about yourself: you can be anything that you want to be, and you should feel good about yourself. You are successful, because you accomplish things that are important to you.
Take out that pen and spend some time on you and what you have accomplished, and what you are doing now. Life Changes so must you my dear friends...
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentines Day- Romance, Love Or Lust - 14 Feb 2008
Yup what else can you write about if not Valentines Day today. Seeing the happy faces of my colleagues receiving bouquet of flowers today it made me to wonder whether they do know the origins of Valentines Day. I see it as a very mysterious day as it does not only bring joy, happiness in peoples life but it also brings political unrest in some countries. Every Valentines day you read in the newspapers about demonstrations asking for a ban on this day of LOVE. But why only on this day do we talk about GOD, Love and Lust etc. Take Thailand for example they actually imposed a ban on teenagers from checking into hotels on this day to prevent them from having SEX. The Thai Government announced yesterday that they are going to raid hotels & Motels on Valentines Day to arrest teenagers having SEX. I mean coming from a country having the highest no of prostitutes in the world and the largest country in the world whose population is affected with AIDS. But hey man.. this is Valentines Day. Never mind about Thailand take a look at India where there were violent-street-demonstrations today led by the right-wing Hindu party seeking a ban on Valentines Day and describing it as a day of Shame and Lust. And of course not to forget political -demonstration in the Middle East with the right-wing Muslim leaders announcing that they will Kill any Muslim celebrating the "American Culture". Hello! This is not American Culture and it has no origins in America. Please know your History. But just imagine, a day that comes only once a year can cause the world at large to react in many ways. Perhaps they should listen to our Prime Minister who once said that there is so much of empty space in our heart to LOVE DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Perhaps the world should heed his advise and I am sure there will be less violence in this cruel world. But is Valentines Day just about Making-Money today? Read on my friends
Romance, love, lust, big business or plain indifference, February 14th brings with it Valentine's Day. Research reveals that most Malaysians from all-walks-of-life (Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Christians and etc - even the orang asli) celebrate Valentines Day. Furthermore, women purchase approximately four out of every five Valentine cards and receive nearly half of all cards. Yet, men buy more cards for this day than any other except Mother's day. In these modern times, Valentine's Day is celebrated by exchanging cards and gifts -- flowers, chocolates, cookies and candies -- and also by spending time together with their Valentines(Yup.. candle- light diner.. and ahem! ahem! , enjoying pastimes such as eating out, parties, movie theater and other romantic outings.
But have you ever wondered where did the Valentine's Day tradition begin? Is romance still alive and well? Can the romantically involved as well as the uninvolved single celebrate with equal gusto? The answer is definitely yes. What does the younger generation think of Valentine's Day? Relax and read on more even if I am boring you.
THE ORIGIN OF VALENTINE'S DAY
There are varying opinions about the actual origins of Valentine's Day. Some experts say it started when the Roman emperor Claudius II had a difficult time recruiting men into his army. He believed it was because men wanted to stay home with their loves and their wives. To solve the problem, he decided to outlaw marriage for all young single men. However, there was a Roman priest named Valentine who did not agree and wed couples in secret. He was eventually discovered, thrown in prison and sentenced to death on February the 14th. Legend says that he had befriended the young blind daughter (What do you expect from someone with the name Valentine) of his jailer and that on the day of his execution, he sent a note to his young friend signing it, "From your Valentine." Some take the story further and say that when the young girl opened the note, a yellow crocus flower fell into her hand and for the first time in her life she saw brilliant color and could see.
For other origins, we can go back to an early Pagan festival of fertility as early as the fourth century BC. February 15th was set aside for the Roman feast of Lupercalia, a celebration of Spring and fertility in honor of Lupercus, the Roman god who was believed to be the protector of shepherds and flocks. Animals were sacrificed, feasts were held and it is believed that young women wrote love letters and left them in a large urn. Young men would then draw a note from the urn and pin it to their sleeves (hence the saying "wearing his heart on his sleeve"). Once the young man found the woman who wrote the note, the couple would be intimately joined until the next Lupercalia. We are told that women did have a choice in the matter and could indeed say no to a would-be lover.
Where do Cupid and that famous symbol of the bow and arrow come from? Well, apparently there is no link but the Cherub, actual name Eros, fits in so well with the story that he has become the accepted St. Valentine's Day mascot.
VALENTINE'S DAY IN OTHER COUNTRIES
There are many different customs celebrated around the world on this day of love and romance. For example in Scotland, equal numbers of young unmarried men and women get together and write their names on a piece of paper. The notes are put into hats, one for the men and one for the women. The names are divided up. Individuals might get more than one name but are supposed to stay with the Valentine who has chosen them. In Spain, courting couples exchange gifts. Husbands send their wives roses. In Italy it was customary for an engaged couple to announce their engagement on this day. In Malaysia.. yes we too buy Roses for our Valentines. Worldwide, poets and romantics have penned their admiration and love on this auspicious occasion. Other rituals and beliefs associated with Valentine's Day include picking a dandelion that has gone to seed, taking a deep breath and blowing the seeds into the wind while voicing an alternate "He loves me, he loves me not." In some countries a young woman may receive a gift of clothing from a young man; if she keeps the gift, it means she will marry him. The list goes on from love seats to loving spoons and loving cup traditions. What about color when thinking about giving roses? It is said that red roses are for passion, white for true love, yellow for friendship, pink for joy and black for goodbye.
VALENTINE'S DAY NOWADAYS
Is Valentine's Day really a special opportunity when we all can turn our thoughts momentarily to love and romance, or has it become big business to the point that it's now over-commercialized and has lost its true meaning? I asked a group of young people and rather surprisingly, they did not seem excited. Most thought Valentine's Day is okay if you are dating someone; others said if you are with someone, you should love them and be romantic every day, and that having Valentine's Day actually puts conditions and pressure on love Some even went to the extent of saying it is just a way for guys to get 'something' at night. What do you mean by 'something'?Hello.. we all are grown-ups. This is not PG rated. 'Something' means SEX. Anyways, I beg to differ with my colleague on this. Most agreed that they would probably buy someone a card and nearly everyone said they would be happy to receive a Valentine's Day card or gift eventhough some said they don't care whether they receive flowers or not. Yeah Right. Deep down every girls heart she would definintely feel SPECIAL receiving that special bouquet of flowers on this special day. Please don't deny it okay?
Next I turned my attention to singles. What do they think about Valentine's Day and how do they celebrate? Some said they will ignore it. Others will treat themselves and do something special, saying love and romanticism should be celebrated with or without a partner. So the news is good. Overall, even with our hectic lives, the idea of love is alive and well, and millions of people are out there plotting and planning the perfect Valentine surprise, gift or card. May the right-wing people the terrorist explore the world and grow-up to understand that it is not an 'American Culture'. It is 'WORLD CULTURE' today . MAKE LOVE NOT WAR. Happy Valentines Day.
Romance, love, lust, big business or plain indifference, February 14th brings with it Valentine's Day. Research reveals that most Malaysians from all-walks-of-life (Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Christians and etc - even the orang asli) celebrate Valentines Day. Furthermore, women purchase approximately four out of every five Valentine cards and receive nearly half of all cards. Yet, men buy more cards for this day than any other except Mother's day. In these modern times, Valentine's Day is celebrated by exchanging cards and gifts -- flowers, chocolates, cookies and candies -- and also by spending time together with their Valentines(Yup.. candle- light diner.. and ahem! ahem! , enjoying pastimes such as eating out, parties, movie theater and other romantic outings.
But have you ever wondered where did the Valentine's Day tradition begin? Is romance still alive and well? Can the romantically involved as well as the uninvolved single celebrate with equal gusto? The answer is definitely yes. What does the younger generation think of Valentine's Day? Relax and read on more even if I am boring you.
THE ORIGIN OF VALENTINE'S DAY
There are varying opinions about the actual origins of Valentine's Day. Some experts say it started when the Roman emperor Claudius II had a difficult time recruiting men into his army. He believed it was because men wanted to stay home with their loves and their wives. To solve the problem, he decided to outlaw marriage for all young single men. However, there was a Roman priest named Valentine who did not agree and wed couples in secret. He was eventually discovered, thrown in prison and sentenced to death on February the 14th. Legend says that he had befriended the young blind daughter (What do you expect from someone with the name Valentine) of his jailer and that on the day of his execution, he sent a note to his young friend signing it, "From your Valentine." Some take the story further and say that when the young girl opened the note, a yellow crocus flower fell into her hand and for the first time in her life she saw brilliant color and could see.
For other origins, we can go back to an early Pagan festival of fertility as early as the fourth century BC. February 15th was set aside for the Roman feast of Lupercalia, a celebration of Spring and fertility in honor of Lupercus, the Roman god who was believed to be the protector of shepherds and flocks. Animals were sacrificed, feasts were held and it is believed that young women wrote love letters and left them in a large urn. Young men would then draw a note from the urn and pin it to their sleeves (hence the saying "wearing his heart on his sleeve"). Once the young man found the woman who wrote the note, the couple would be intimately joined until the next Lupercalia. We are told that women did have a choice in the matter and could indeed say no to a would-be lover.
Where do Cupid and that famous symbol of the bow and arrow come from? Well, apparently there is no link but the Cherub, actual name Eros, fits in so well with the story that he has become the accepted St. Valentine's Day mascot.
VALENTINE'S DAY IN OTHER COUNTRIES
There are many different customs celebrated around the world on this day of love and romance. For example in Scotland, equal numbers of young unmarried men and women get together and write their names on a piece of paper. The notes are put into hats, one for the men and one for the women. The names are divided up. Individuals might get more than one name but are supposed to stay with the Valentine who has chosen them. In Spain, courting couples exchange gifts. Husbands send their wives roses. In Italy it was customary for an engaged couple to announce their engagement on this day. In Malaysia.. yes we too buy Roses for our Valentines. Worldwide, poets and romantics have penned their admiration and love on this auspicious occasion. Other rituals and beliefs associated with Valentine's Day include picking a dandelion that has gone to seed, taking a deep breath and blowing the seeds into the wind while voicing an alternate "He loves me, he loves me not." In some countries a young woman may receive a gift of clothing from a young man; if she keeps the gift, it means she will marry him. The list goes on from love seats to loving spoons and loving cup traditions. What about color when thinking about giving roses? It is said that red roses are for passion, white for true love, yellow for friendship, pink for joy and black for goodbye.
VALENTINE'S DAY NOWADAYS
Is Valentine's Day really a special opportunity when we all can turn our thoughts momentarily to love and romance, or has it become big business to the point that it's now over-commercialized and has lost its true meaning? I asked a group of young people and rather surprisingly, they did not seem excited. Most thought Valentine's Day is okay if you are dating someone; others said if you are with someone, you should love them and be romantic every day, and that having Valentine's Day actually puts conditions and pressure on love Some even went to the extent of saying it is just a way for guys to get 'something' at night. What do you mean by 'something'?Hello.. we all are grown-ups. This is not PG rated. 'Something' means SEX. Anyways, I beg to differ with my colleague on this. Most agreed that they would probably buy someone a card and nearly everyone said they would be happy to receive a Valentine's Day card or gift eventhough some said they don't care whether they receive flowers or not. Yeah Right. Deep down every girls heart she would definintely feel SPECIAL receiving that special bouquet of flowers on this special day. Please don't deny it okay?
Next I turned my attention to singles. What do they think about Valentine's Day and how do they celebrate? Some said they will ignore it. Others will treat themselves and do something special, saying love and romanticism should be celebrated with or without a partner. So the news is good. Overall, even with our hectic lives, the idea of love is alive and well, and millions of people are out there plotting and planning the perfect Valentine surprise, gift or card. May the right-wing people the terrorist explore the world and grow-up to understand that it is not an 'American Culture'. It is 'WORLD CULTURE' today . MAKE LOVE NOT WAR. Happy Valentines Day.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Friendship: It's A Special Relationship
February 1st was a public holiday for us who work in the Federal Territory as it was a Federal Territory Day. My colleagues (not all though) and I, including our Boss decided to take this opportunity to go to Pangkor Island for bonding and relationship building time. I am still recovering from this extremely indulgent weekend. The journey there was interesting as we passed through 'kampungs'(villages) and there was a lot of 'green' along the way which you don't see in the city. While being at Pankor Island we were no longer colleagues or Boss and employee kind of relationship. We were friends. We joked, we laughed, and of course we had lots of fun together. It was amazing how all of us cared for one another and ensured that no one was left out from having fun. There was team spirit. As I was sitting on the beach my thoughts started wondering, can colleagues be friends or do they just remain colleagues and acquaintances (like some people in the office think so)? As the sunset drew nearer I started pondering over the meaning 'friendship' and 'relationship'. Are they the same or different? Or you can be friends but no relationship or is friendship a special relationship? I pondered and explored this subject upon reaching Kuala Lumpur and discovered............
There is no relationship quite like that of friendship. Not so irrational as love, yet far more intense than acquaintance, friendship is perhaps the least understood of human interactions.
Actual knowledge about friendship continues to be sketchy at best. Yet some popular wisdom is useful in examining the bond between friends:
…Friends have some interests in common.
…Friends share an on-going relationship, with periodic (although not necessarily regular) contact.
…Friends trust one another, at least to some extent, with information, money, safety, other relationships.
…Friends can say “no” to each other and still remain friends.
…Friends can see, and accept, the worst in each other.
…Friends rarely feel they “owe” each other anything; give and take is without obligation between them (perhaps with some limits!).
…Friendship is also characterized by understanding, communication, acceptance, lack of embarrassment, trust.
Friendship is held within us, an attitude toward another person much like love, anger, or prejudice. It requires no regular outward expression. It requires merely a feeling of commitment to the relationship. Often such a feeling is supported by the belief that the other person cares about you, that the other values the relationship as well. If we believe that we are important to each other — important enough that we think of each other warmly now and again — we will likely remain friends, even if we don’t see each other for years.
I also discovered that if you act assertively most of the time, you are more likely to have satisfying relationships than if you act in nonassertive or aggressive ways.
Do offer these assertive skills when developing a friendship:
• Take the risks necessary to build an acquaintance into a friend.
• Allow yourself to be seen as you are by your friend.
• Share something of yourself you would not ordinarily tell someone else.
• Be spontaneous with your new friend, suggest an activity on the spur of the moment, really listen to what is important in your friend’s life.
• Ask your friend’s advice with a problem or help with a project (remembering that an assertive friend can say “no” and still like you!).
• Simply tell the person you like him/her.
• Clear the air between you; if you are annoyed or suspect that your friend may be, bring it up.
• Get honest. Don’t let assumptions define your relationship. If the relationship can’t handle it, it probably would not have lasted anyway; if it can, you’ll be miles ahead!
Exploring this meaning, I am thankful that I have friends who are also my colleagues and buddy you should have been there. :) Anyways can't wait for another trip with you guys.
There is no relationship quite like that of friendship. Not so irrational as love, yet far more intense than acquaintance, friendship is perhaps the least understood of human interactions.
Actual knowledge about friendship continues to be sketchy at best. Yet some popular wisdom is useful in examining the bond between friends:
…Friends have some interests in common.
…Friends share an on-going relationship, with periodic (although not necessarily regular) contact.
…Friends trust one another, at least to some extent, with information, money, safety, other relationships.
…Friends can say “no” to each other and still remain friends.
…Friends can see, and accept, the worst in each other.
…Friends rarely feel they “owe” each other anything; give and take is without obligation between them (perhaps with some limits!).
…Friendship is also characterized by understanding, communication, acceptance, lack of embarrassment, trust.
Friendship is held within us, an attitude toward another person much like love, anger, or prejudice. It requires no regular outward expression. It requires merely a feeling of commitment to the relationship. Often such a feeling is supported by the belief that the other person cares about you, that the other values the relationship as well. If we believe that we are important to each other — important enough that we think of each other warmly now and again — we will likely remain friends, even if we don’t see each other for years.
I also discovered that if you act assertively most of the time, you are more likely to have satisfying relationships than if you act in nonassertive or aggressive ways.
Do offer these assertive skills when developing a friendship:
• Take the risks necessary to build an acquaintance into a friend.
• Allow yourself to be seen as you are by your friend.
• Share something of yourself you would not ordinarily tell someone else.
• Be spontaneous with your new friend, suggest an activity on the spur of the moment, really listen to what is important in your friend’s life.
• Ask your friend’s advice with a problem or help with a project (remembering that an assertive friend can say “no” and still like you!).
• Simply tell the person you like him/her.
• Clear the air between you; if you are annoyed or suspect that your friend may be, bring it up.
• Get honest. Don’t let assumptions define your relationship. If the relationship can’t handle it, it probably would not have lasted anyway; if it can, you’ll be miles ahead!
Exploring this meaning, I am thankful that I have friends who are also my colleagues and buddy you should have been there. :) Anyways can't wait for another trip with you guys.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Why Fear Change..
The recent Chinese New Year Holidays gave me an opportunity to meet an old friend of mine whom I last saw a couple of years ago. Our conversation turned to the topic why people fear change and afraid to pursue their dreams and goals. Why do they let fear stop them from pursuing their dreams? When I asked her about her dreams she told me she has not given any thought to her dreams and would let her boyfriend or to-be-husband-soon decide for her future. I just wonder what would happen if the guy someday- (touch-wood) it won't happen-decides to divorce her for whatever reasons, then what...? I remenber she used to have dreams of running her own cafe but she has since given up on the idea because she's afraid that it may fail.
Why do people fear change and let it stop them from pursuing their dreams? Many people have goals and dreams that they will not realize because they are afraid to pursue them. The sad fact is that only 4% of our society actually set goals for themselves. Are you following your dreams and goals or are you a person who fears change?
People fear change and I have never understood that because you have nothing to fear. What is that you fear? People stay stuck in a job for twenty plus years because they are afraid to pursue that career that they would love to do. People also never start that business that they would love to do because fear of failure stops them. Whatever it is people truly want to pursue; they do not have the courage to follow it because they let fear stop them.
If people would not let fear stop them and continue to pursue their goals they would live a life filled with more joy, abundance and prosperity. However you can not truly experience these qualities if you continue living a life you are not 100% happy with. Fear is just a state of mind there is really nothing to fear after all if you fail to reach one goal, there is no shame in it. As long as you learn from your failures and keep working towards your goals and dreams eventually they will become realized. Believe me I have not reached all my goals that I have ever set for myself, but it has not kept me from setting more goals and working towards them.
If you set goals for yourself and do not reach them; do not give up on them. People fear change because they are scared of the unknown. Sometimes the unknown is better than the known. I am not sure about you, but I would rather wake up knowing that I am setting my own destiny rather than letting someone set my destiny for me.
Next time you want to pursue something do not let fear change your mind. Be brave enough to follow your heart and your dreams. After all you only live once and if you fail to do what you love you will not experience true happiness. We were all meant to live a life we truly love. If you learn how to develop your faith you can learn how to possess the courage to do anything. Faith is the opposite of fear, and it is better to focus on faith than fear.
People fear change because they have not learned how to develop their faith. Do not be one of them, believe that faith can get you through and help you achieve anything you desire. Life should be easy and free flowing without the fear of failure; your mind loves to make you think that you cannot do things because the ego likes you to remain where you currently are. It is scared of change; however as you continue to set goals for yourself and work on your beliefs about your ability to reach your goals and dreams you can program your subconscious to achieve anything you desire.
Why do people fear change and let it stop them from pursuing their dreams? Many people have goals and dreams that they will not realize because they are afraid to pursue them. The sad fact is that only 4% of our society actually set goals for themselves. Are you following your dreams and goals or are you a person who fears change?
People fear change and I have never understood that because you have nothing to fear. What is that you fear? People stay stuck in a job for twenty plus years because they are afraid to pursue that career that they would love to do. People also never start that business that they would love to do because fear of failure stops them. Whatever it is people truly want to pursue; they do not have the courage to follow it because they let fear stop them.
If people would not let fear stop them and continue to pursue their goals they would live a life filled with more joy, abundance and prosperity. However you can not truly experience these qualities if you continue living a life you are not 100% happy with. Fear is just a state of mind there is really nothing to fear after all if you fail to reach one goal, there is no shame in it. As long as you learn from your failures and keep working towards your goals and dreams eventually they will become realized. Believe me I have not reached all my goals that I have ever set for myself, but it has not kept me from setting more goals and working towards them.
If you set goals for yourself and do not reach them; do not give up on them. People fear change because they are scared of the unknown. Sometimes the unknown is better than the known. I am not sure about you, but I would rather wake up knowing that I am setting my own destiny rather than letting someone set my destiny for me.
Next time you want to pursue something do not let fear change your mind. Be brave enough to follow your heart and your dreams. After all you only live once and if you fail to do what you love you will not experience true happiness. We were all meant to live a life we truly love. If you learn how to develop your faith you can learn how to possess the courage to do anything. Faith is the opposite of fear, and it is better to focus on faith than fear.
People fear change because they have not learned how to develop their faith. Do not be one of them, believe that faith can get you through and help you achieve anything you desire. Life should be easy and free flowing without the fear of failure; your mind loves to make you think that you cannot do things because the ego likes you to remain where you currently are. It is scared of change; however as you continue to set goals for yourself and work on your beliefs about your ability to reach your goals and dreams you can program your subconscious to achieve anything you desire.
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