Of Sikhs, Benggalis and Tamilians - PART 1

I just don't believe it.... I just don't believe it. Coming from someone who has lived in Malaysia all her/his life to ask me this ultimate question over lunch time: "How do you differentiate between a Punjabi, Bengali and an Indian(Actually what was meant here was a Tamilian) means that they have been living under a coconut shell. This only goes to show how shallow is one's knowledge about their fellow Malaysians. And this coming after Bill Clinton made a statement that he is so impressed to see a multi-culture multi-races Malaysia when the races don't even understand each others origins or ethnic backgrounds. Yes, Malaysians don't refer to us as Indians but as "Benggalis" eventhough we are not. I forgive my colleague for not understanding the difference but she/he is not alone on this issue of differences between the Punjabis, Tamilians and the Bengalis.
To non-Indians, there are just Indians. Ask an ‘Indian’ what he is, though, and he would say he’s a Malayalee, or a Telegu, or a Tamil or any one of the other language-specific communities, of which there is a bewilderingly large number. Take a look at this senario:
A YOUNG Sikh man and a young Tamil woman fell in love. They courted secretly for years until they finally decided that they wished to marry.
The nervous couple parted to return home and break the news to their respective families, and were greeted, amidst much gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair, by the identical chastisement: “Why lah you have to go and marry an Indian!”
Now that particular little nugget may be an urban legend, but there is some validity to the assertion that many of the different Indian communities view themselves as having a separate identity of their own that should be recognised by others.
This view is held not just in India, which is home to many of the world’s religions and boasts more than 20 official languages, but also all over the world where there are Indian communities, including in Malaysia where Indians are a significant minority.
Surely that view is justified, for after all, who in his right mind expects homogeneity in a region of nearly 1.5 billion people (if you factor in Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, and Nepal)?
But as Indians move away from traditions (some of which, some might argue, are poisonous ones) like the caste system and arranged marriages, just how much of the Indian sub-continent’s rich and varied history is being lost to current generations?
Two recent developments brought this question to the fore.
The first was a faux pas committed by newly elected Perak Mentri Besar Mohammad Nizar Jamaluddin who mistakenly referred to the Sikh community as Bengali, when indeed the community has its roots in Punjab.
Another was the almost bewildering confluence of religious festivals that occurred over the last few months – Vaisakhi, Poila Boishakh, Ugadi, Vishu, and the Tamil New Year also coincided with Thailand’s Songkran festival and other regional celebrations.
The Punjabi/Bengali difference
As I attempted a thorough investigation into this vast realm, I soon became overwhelmed by the sheer diversity of the various Indic peoples (generally divided into the northern Indo-Aryan and southern Dravidian groups).
For example, I learnt that there are Punjabis who don’t practice Sikhism but who come from the same geographical region and speak the same language as the Sikhs. These Punjabis are Hindus, so one cannot factually say that to be Punjabi and to be Sikh are synonymous. And there are Punjabis who are Muslim and Christian, too.
The confusion over the specific race, religion, and language of the various Indian communities is nothing new, and that the Punjabi/Bengali error is a particularly common one.
Many Malaysians make that mistake. This has been an error that dates back to the British colonial era when many Sikhs were brought to Malaya.
Through some form of miscommunication, perhaps because the Sikhs came through the Bengali port of Calcutta, this incorrect title has continued to be applied.
A variety of responses to the issue have emerged.
Khalsa Dharmic Jatha Gurdwara vice-president Baljit Singh was very displeased: “That utterance (by the MB) has made the Sikhs a laughing stock of other communities,” he was quoted as saying:
Dr Sarjit S. Gill, Universiti Putra Malaysia’s professor of Social Anthropology, adopts an altogether different stance, though: “I view the MB’s statement as a blessing in disguise because I welcome the debate. I don’t think we should blame him. Firstly, we should blame ourselves, especially the Sikh organisations and gurdwaras (temples) in Malaysia.
“I have attended many seminars and programmes conducted by Sikhs in Malaysia where non-Sikhs are not invited to join in simply because we do not want ‘others’ to know our problems. So how can we get upset if we are a closed community and other groups don’t understand us well enough?”
However, network engineer Nirmal Singh feels that our nation’s political leaders should make more of an effort to understand the various communities.
“I am used to this sort of ignorance, but while I have seen it among children and young adults, I didn’t expect a political leader to make such a gaffe. There is a huge difference between Punjabis, Bengalis and Tamilians.”
I think in a modern, progressive Malaysia we should try to overcome our differences and think of ourselves as Malaysians first. If we harp on these traditional factors too much we are back to square one.
If you look at history, you will see why the differences can be confusing. In India itself, during the Chola dynasty, which lasted many centuries (from the 9th to 12th centuries), the whole of Southern India was under one rule.
During this time, the Tamil language became dominant, and it is the root language from which the other South Indian languages sprang.
In fact, there are even a few Tamil words like kapal (ship), tali (string), and raja (king) that have influenced the Malay language!
Since that time, there have been numerous separations and unifications of (states in) southern India, and it was only as recently as the 1950s that Madras State became split along the lines of language.
From that, you had the emergence of the Telugu-, Kannada-, and Malayalee-speaking states (Andhra Pradesh, Karnataka, and Kerala, respectively).
When people from these peoples came to Malaysia in large waves under the British, these groups were all classified as Indian, without much distinction.
Aside from sheer numbers, another reason that Tamils and their language may seem dominant in Malaysia is that the Telegu, Malayalee, and Punjabi language schools that existed up until the late 1970s eventually closed down.
These communities scattered, and there wasn’t enough enrolment in their schools, whereas the Tamils have had the numbers to keep their schools going.
Unlike Indians from India, Malaysian Indians are not always well-schooled in tradition. In most cases, we cannot identify each other’s community visually, and so we rely on language, and even that can be mixed up.
And let’s not forget that even at home, many Indians choose to speak English over their mother tongue.
Still, to those who do follow tradition, there are true differences, especially in India. Each community will very often have its unique traditional clothing, ways of preparing food, and so on. The Malayalees, for example, might tie their saris differently, cook certain dishes unique to their community, and celebrate, say, Onam, but, again, some of these traditions don’t survive very strongly in modern Malaysia.
Even names don’t necessarily offer much of a clue about a person’s roots anymore: In Malaysia we have left behind the culture of using clan names like Rao and Naidu for Telegus, and Nair and Menon for Malayalees.
As Malaysia’s Indian society moves away from traditionalist mores that still hold sway in parts of India, we can expect a further blurring of communal lines.
Intermarriage across communities is another factor that is breaking down such barriers.
While you do have certain staunch traditionalists, many Indians are marrying outside their community and, often, outside their race.
Arranged marriages are on the way out, and people tend to chose their own partners, perhaps based on educational and economic background more than race, language or even religion.
Economic factors might be a reason that communities in Malaysia might still want to emphasise their differences.
For example, while many Indian Tamils originally came here in the late 19th century and first half of the 20th century as indentured labourers, the Malayalees and Ceylonese Tamils were brought in to perform more ‘educated’, white collar jobs, such as clerical work.
Thus, there may be a desire to maintain that socio-economic distinction.
Nowadays, as the communities become more prosperous, they may also feel more confident about exploring and safe-guarding their roots.
I believe even Astro has played a part in arousing interest as it offers programmes for Telegu and Malayalee speakers.
Festive fervour- THERE are hundreds of festivals celebrated throughout the sub-continent. These are some that Malaysians might be familiar with, as South Asian communities living in this country mark them. The common Indian Celebrations In Malaysia:

Ponggal – Tamil harvest festival
Thaipusam – South Indian festival honouring Lord Muruga
Holi (pic above) – North Indian “festival of colours” celebrating the first full moon of spring
Gudi Padwa – Maharashtrian New Year
Ugadi – Telugu and Kannada New Year
Puthandu – Tamil New Year
Vaisakhi – Commemorates both the establishment of the Khalsa (collective body of Sikhs baptised by Guru Gobind Singh in 1699) and the harvest festival
Members of Sikh communities around the world celebrate Vaisakhi in April. In Paris, they put on a show of their warrior skills.
Poila Boishakh – Bengali New Year
Vishu – Malayalee New Year
Onam – Malayalee harvest festival
Navaratri – Nine-day festival commemorating goddess Durga
Deepavali – Festival of Lights
Well now you can observe that there is a clear distinction between the Punjabis, Tamilians and the Bengalis. You just need to be an observant person to see the difference. In my next post (Part 2)I will look and explore the beginning of Sikhism and the person who founded it.

Are You Waiting To Be Perfect? Put Aside Perfection

Are you waiting to be perfect?When is good enough, good enough? So often I hear from clients and friends about a fabulous idea they have, or a long-embodied dream they've held on to, only to put off doing the idea or dream until they get it "just right," and before they knew it, just right turned into just never. Looking over my 13 years of working experience, I can recall countless instances of putting off launching an idea or dream, because I didn't think I knew enough, or because the project wasn't complete or perfect enough.The need for perfection is the killer of dreams. It'll squelch ideas and action faster than making mistakes ever could. Furthermore, the need for perfection is an ego-based need and will keep you from being able to tune into the subtle inner sensations that give you direction and tell you what to do next.These sensations, the voice of your inner guidance, guide you perfectly even if you think you are not ready. Don't let the voices in your head that are telling you why you are not good enough, or competent enough, or experienced enough keep you from sharing yourself and your unique ideas and gifts with the world.Let's agree that not all ideas are meant to be acted on, and concentrate on that idea or dream you've held on to for a long time, but have been afraid to launch because you want to get it perfected--fully mapped out and designed--before you get it out there. Let's suppose you have a product you have been working on for several months. The more you work on it, the more you see things you'd like to add to it to make it "even better". Got one of those? Many of us have some hidden idea or dream we've been tinkering with in the back rooms of our minds or even in the garage.What is keeping you from sharing it just the way it is right now? Again, if you have a widget and it doesn't work yet, then perhaps it is prudent to get it working before releasing it, but what about the widget that does work and works well, yet you'd like it to be better? If you've got one of those, perhaps its time to ask yourself, "What am I waiting for?"Here's the deal about perfection, it doesn't exist, at least, not the way our minds think about perfection. Perfection to the ego looks and sounds like this:My product has to always work.No one else will have this service; I have to crush the competition.It's got to be better than what is out there, or no one will buy it.I don't want to be embarrassed or laughed at in the industry.My reputation is on the line, I can't make any mistakes.Who am I to offer this when I am just an average person unlike the experts out there?We all applaud a dedication to doing and being your best. This isn't about putting out shoddy work or products, it's about honoring your best as it is in the present moment, and allowing your best to grow and develop by sharing your creations with others, and stepping into the unknown. The fascinating thing about getting your idea, dream, product, or service out there before it is all the way perfect is: You might find out it is "perfect enough".You will receive the necessary feedback that provides you specific ideas for improvement, and gives your customers what they are asking for.The ideal of perfection is overrated. So, how can you get over the grip that the desire to be perfect might have on you? Here are three-easy-ways to put aside perfection and get your dream out there sooner rather than never.1. First start with something small. What product, service, or idea have you been entertaining that would be fairly easy to share in a short amount of time? Let's say you want to write a book about your grandmother's favorite recipes, but have been putting it off because you haven't taste-tested or prepared all of them. Begin smaller. How about sharing a recipe a week with family and friends by offering a weekly online newsletter? These newsletters when compiled can evolve into a full-blown book. Once you break a project into smaller components the mind relaxes into an "I can do this" state and the grip of perfection loosens.2. Gather five suggestions from trusted friends or colleagues. Only five. Send five people the product or service you have just the way it is, and ask them to give you feedback on how it works for them, can be improved or made better. When I launched my first special workshops in the company, I was writing the course as I was teaching it. Then I would receive feedback from my participants and incorporated their suggestions. The second time around doing the workshop, it was amazingly better, and importantly, I was able to offer what my participants wanted. No way could I have received those suggestions without presenting a less than perfect workshop.3. Offer a beta program. A beta program is when you let someone test or try out your product or service at minimal or no cost so that you can receive "real time" feedback. How often have major companies had to go back to the drawing board after a first and even a second launch? Perfection is more a process than an end result. If it feels uncomfortable to charge people for a service you aren't convinced is your best or is still under development, then a beta program may be just the ideal compromise.I have a marketing mentor whose newsletters I receive by mail each month. This individual is very well known and very successful in the online and direct marketing fields. Yet, it often amazes me how filled his newsletter is with typos, "bad grammar" and assorted other non-perfect errors. Yet, undeniably, the content is extraordinary and valuable. Imagine if he fretted over where to put the comma, or whether every word was grammatically placed, instead of getting his content out there. Just put aside the perfection but focus on the dream and the end result.

Are You A Good Leader?

Some one recently asked me what makes a good leader? After a 3 hour chat at StarBucks on a Sunday Morning with a complete stranger (even my latte became cold) pondering and arguing about and over what makes a person a good leader I have this to write............
Leadership is a word Girl Scouts use a lot. We help girls develop into leaders. We recruit volunteer leaders. We plan and carry out operations under the direction of board and staff leaders. But what exactly does this mean? What is leadership?
A leader is someone who helps others do and become more than they ever thought possible. Leadership is about unlocking potential, whether individual potential or that of a group, company, or organization. It is not about telling people what to do, but inspiring them to see what they are capable of, then, helping them get there.
Why? Because good leadership gets things done. But the quality of leadership determines the difference between a team passionate about what they're doing versus one that is following orders.
Where You're Going
Effective leaders know what's important to them, what their strengths and weaknesses are, what drives them, and where to draw the line. Put it together and it boils down to a leader who has self-confidence and clear values.
Leadership Quality 1: Good leaders know themselves.
Knowing oneself is necessary when faced with challenges or ethical choices, communicating with those who have different ideas, making decisions, and identifying sources of satisfaction.
We need to be clear about our own values, priorities, and preferences and not let someone else, or society, define them for us. By clearly identifying those values, priorities, and preferences we can articulate what we want, develop benchmarks, and make better choices.
A good leader will provide growth through training, mentoring, and coaching.
It's by providing learning opportunities, both formal and informal, that help people develop stronger self-awareness.
Willing to Commit
In addition to being self-aware, an effective leader is not afraid to take on responsibilities. Sometimes it requires putting the organization or group first—and keeping it there. I believe a lot of people understand what it means to be a leader, but the difference comes down to commitment. True leadership requires you to make sacrifices, including putting others before yourself.
Leadership Quality 2: Good leaders are committed.
Sometimes our use of the word 'leadership' can put people off. A potential volunteer may think 'I can't do that; I've no experience or qualifications. When really what we're looking for is a mentor, a person who prompts others to be their best, someone who cares and listens, someone confident in his or her beliefs and is willing to be there.
What I am describing is a committed leader. For some of you, that means being committed to "inspiring yourself with the highest ideals of character, conduct, patriotism, and service so that you may become happy and resourceful citizen"
Spectacularly Unsuccessful
In the article, "Seven Habits of Spectacularly Unsuccessful Executives," which appeared in Fast Company magazine in July 2003, Sydney Finkelstein chronicles the characteristics of leaders who fail—not just ineffective leaders but those who have reversed the fortunes of thriving corporations. Which bad leaders placed high on this notorious list? According to Mr. Finkelstein, it's those individuals who think they have all the answers.
Leadership Quality 3: Good leaders know they don't know everything.
Believing that an effective leader is one who knows it all is one of the most dangerous misconceptions about leadership. Human frailty comes into play whether sitting in a cubicle or a corner office. So while the ultimate decision and responsibility may lie with one individual, it is incumbent upon her or him to gather information and trust others' points of view before developing a plan of action.
The most challenging element of leadership is to bring individuals together to move forward, but that's also the most rewarding. It's so wonderful when it does happen. To get there requires maturity to recognize that your way is never the only way.
A Place to Try
We must create a safe environment for our people to give leadership a try, to test and stretch themselves. Setting goals, planning trips and events, earning patches and awards, and organizing service projects, there's no limit to the experiences you can have.The critical component is- you are doing it yourself, even if it means something does not get done or is done differently. For some adults, the latter is very difficult—especially those with tendencies towards perfectionism. But letting go is how mutual trust is built.
Leadership Quality 4: Good leaders are open to change.
Change is one of life's most obvious factors, yet remains one of the most strongly resisted. As Peter Senge, an expert on managing organizations, says, "Everything is in motion, continually changing, forever adapting." Effective leaders recognize the value of change.
Yet all too often, it's much more comfortable to ignore the inevitability of change and to keep things the way they've always been. Unless a leader's goal is to bankrupt a business or ensure no new members join an organization, that approach cannot work. Changes need to be anticipated and responded to if growth is going to continue. And that applies to minor changes, as well as major ones.
With Small Acts Come Big Things
There may be a time when one is called upon to take on challenges greater than one can ever imagine.
Leadership Quality 5: Good leaders go the extra mile.
Some leaders have a lifetime of small acts of leadership as extraordinary encouragers, strong organizers, good persuaders, or charismatic speakers. When it comes down to it, how we lead is a reflection of the characteristics and values that define who we are. As a famous philosopher (I can't recall his name) once said, "Life revolves itself principally into what we do and what we are, the former largely controlled by the latter."

To Be Or Not To Be--- A Hypocrite

Well I know I have been away for quite some time now but that doesn't mean I have stopped writing. Since last week I have been 'bothered' by the word hypocrite after some people accused each other of being hypocrites. One says the other is a hypocrite while the others defend that they are not. I guess it takes one to know another. Let's not get into the details of it. Anyways as bothered as I was about the word I decided to check the word and the dictionary defines a hypocrite as someone who “pretends to be better than he/she really is or to be pious, virtuous without really being so.” A hypocrite is someone who says one thing and does the opposite.
I believe (strictly this is my believe) One of the main reasons people have double standards is that they desire to have the best of both worlds. They go to church or Gurdwaras on Sundays or Mosques or Temples on Fridays and as soon as they walk out the door, they go back to living their “regular” lives.
"Do the right thing" doesn’t mean to do that which best serves our lustful desires. A lack of respect for the seducing nature of sin has led many to live hypocritical lives. In our heart of hearts, we know fully well that something is morally wrong with our actions, but we do it anyway because it feels good or is convenient. Whether we like it or not we all tend to be hypocrites at some point or another in our lives without realising it.
The people committing hypocritical acts normally try to use some form of rationalization to justify their actions. A man committing adultery may say that he is only breaking his wedding vows by having sex with prostitutes. The ultimate rationalization is the phrase, “I just couldn’t help myself.”
In the past few years or even the past few months since the March 8 elections, several high-profile public leaders have been caught in hypocrisy. The grievous nature of some people’s moral blunders proves that no one is immune from stumbling from a lofty perch. You will never know that you are a hypocrite until someone tells you so. See there you go Mr C- who says I am brain dead after travelling around almost the whole of Malaysia... :)

MY DAD..... I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU

It's been almost three months now since my father passed away peacefuly on 21st April 2008 but I don't know why I am just feeling very empty inside me today. My father was one of the most important people in my entire life. There was no one like him so I want to dedicate a memorial to him on my page. For those who have experienced loss, there isn't much you can do except remember the good times and carry that person's spirit in your heart. I've been doing that since the day I lost my father on 21st April 2008. I'm mainly putting this here for people who have lost a loved one, and also so I can remind myself of the goodness in this man. I hope that I can help reflect some feelings that you may have as well about someone who you held close to your heart. Dad meant the world to my mother (In picture) and I. So, this one's for you Dad.
I've often found that sharing in the pain can sometimes be as healing as getting a good laugh out of a joke that my father would've played on me had he been around today. Eventhough we may have had our fare share of misunderstandings-who doesn't anyway-God I miss him! I still can't seem to explain what losing someone does to you. When I look back to 21st April 2008 the day when my father passed away, I swear I felt my sanity slip away. The human mind is fascinating in that way because I really don't remember a whole lot during the time frame of my father's sudden passing and the funeral. It was like traveling through a thick fog. You remember everything before and after....but somewhere in the middle, it was kind of hazy. I think that is our own way of protecting ourselves from remembering something that is so unbearable.
In a lot of ways though, I am thankful for that "haze" because there is a lot that I didn't want to remember. Only good things. My first part of the healing process when my dad died was to TRY and pretend that I could somehow get through things without him around. It is very common to think, "What is the point of going on without my mentor? Why not just end it all right now!!!" But there really wasn't much reason to be suicidal when my mom would be left alone with both my father and I being gone. So common sense started to kick in. I HAD to get in touch with enough emotions to be able to put my father behind, yet NEVER forget him. It's really an impossible thing to do when you love someone so much that you just can't live without them. That is when it comes down to what I believe. You can't fight fate. I racked my head against the wall many times because I never felt that I got to say what I wanted to say before my dad died. And you CAN'T let yourself play that game. What is done is done. You can't change it, and there is nothing you can do to reconcile it except to find some peace within yourself.
I really thought that things would be better off if I could somehow forget my father completely. Then I figured why would I want to do that? If he means so damn much to me, why should I forget him. A lot of him is in me and that is what I need to carry on. So what I would like people to know is don't find yourself forgetting someone that you cared so much for. Carry on their spirit and remember them always. Don't put them completely behind you. I figure that we will ALL be together when our time is up. It's just so hard trying to get to that point.
My Dad has been gone for almost 3 months now and I still can't comprehend it. I still remember just hanging out with him and talking about absolutely nothing. That is always the greatest isn't it? Having a conversation with your father about absolutely nothing. I found that to be the most enjoyable when my dad and I both had a lot to say, but it all meant NOTHING. Just being together was all that really mattered to both of us. He was like a BEST FRIEND to me more than a father and I'll miss that. But I hold him each day in my heart and look forward to seeing him when it's my time to call it quits!
I'd like to share a quote that my Dad used to always tell me that I still tell others that cross my path. It is about people that always have a tendency to dump their personal problems on others. This is what my Dad used to say about them:
"Everybody in this world carries a bucket. And in that bucket is all of the everyday problems that each of us carry. When someone decides to unload their bucket into yours, you have too much of a load to carry and your bucket will overflow. BUT, if everyone keeps the same amount in each of their buckets and doesn't dump it into others, we will all have the same amount to deal with in our lives."
You can take that and do what you want with it, but I always remembered that funny statement. It could be taken in so many different ways but to me, it just reminds me of a good man that meant the world to me. And I would've carried his bucket to the far ends of the universe if he was still around to make me laugh :-)
I LOVE YOU DAD! I'LL SEE YA WHEN I SEE YA.....IN THE SPIRIT :-)..... MAY YOU REST IN PEACE DAD...

Flying Chillies, Karma Sutra And 99 Hot Spots

Last February(22nd February 2008)-this post is published late due to unavoidable circumstances and the sensitivity of its content- was an interesting night as my Friends who are also my colleagues, celebrated my birthday with dinner at Flying Chillies in Midvalley. About 17 of them turned up for the occasion and made it a memorable night for me. I do have to thank them for the dinner and the Samsonite bag that they bought me for my birthday. Indeed a night to remember and what more with the dinner talk progressing from the comments on the food to 'First-Night'talks and to juicy Karma Sutra- just to tease our colleague who is getting married come this July and then-walla-I popped up the most interesting topic of conversation which many have not heard of - THE 99 HOT SPOTS ON A WOMAN's body. The discussion did not end there as we were interrupted with other peoples conversation and there was just too much of noise in the restaurant to have a decent discussion. However, interestingly enough some colleagues (both female and male) followed-up with me in the office and asked me to explain what I meant by 99 hot spots on a woman's body. Friends, WARNING: You are reading this material at your own risk as it may contain juicy, explicit stuff that may cause disturbance to your already disturbed mind... :) This post is purely artistic in it's true sense of the word and not meant for the faint heart and it is not Porno but knowledge for your stimulating senses. If you are matured or not so matured adult but can handle stuff like this then read on- OTHERWISE STOP! Anyways I don't care... :)

Now, I am not an expert on Sexology or a GURU on Sexology but after many years being around in the world and having spoken to many GURUs And Yogis that I have met in my life about men, women and pleasures in life, research have led me to document that a woman's body is a roadmap of hotspots (erogenous zones- These are supersensivitive spots on the body that can bring about different kind of pleasures and sensual feelings if discovered ) unlike a man's body with a few 'stop-overs' or 'R & R' areas. I will only focus on the main hot zones and not on the less hot zones. Again, warning: THIS IS NOT PORNO.. ;) This is 18 and above material and meant only for adults who are broadminded and crave for stimulating knowledge that is hard to find and want to know more about pleasures that life has to offer. If you are interested read on.......... or get lost....


Lets begin. When it comes to knowing your woman's body, are you in touch with all her sweet spots? That is, are you enjoying all that your woman has to offer? Or do you just stick to what you know? Wham-Bang-Good-Bye-Maam! Well here I will talk about some of the hot spots that you might like to try if you have not done so already. Do take note that the female body has a greater variety of erogenous zones, compared to male one. One may often get to hear from men who consider themselves “experienced” that “women are all alike”. But in reality, only a primitive egocentric person could say a thing like this. The truth is that it is hard to find two women who would be similar from the sexual standpoint. But only that person has a chance to get to know this who seeks not pleasures for himself in his sexual relationships, but an opportunity to please his female partner, to make her happy and full of harmony.
Women are not alike in terms of forms of petting that are adequate for them.
They also are not alike in terms of the kind of a sexual intercourse that can provide the most intense pleasure and satisfaction for them. A woman's body is like a roadmap that needs to be discovered. What every great relationship needs is great foreplay, so that is what I will be starting with... If you can't take it anymore I suggest you stop reading here but if you are still curious (but remember that curiousity killed the cat) then let's get started on our journey through a woman's body, shall we?


Here are some Sweet 'HOT" Spots to get you started:

Lips: Women love to kiss. They exude a lot of emotion through their kisses. Have fun playing with her. If you know how to manipulate her lips just right through kissing, licking, sucking and biting, it is very possible that a kiss will lead to a lot more than that. Use your lips, your tongue and your teeth to play with her top and bottom lip and kiss her with absolute passion.

Nape of the Neck: Just breathing on this part of her body will give her goose bumps all over. So just imagine her reaction when you use your tongue or teeth to get her aroused.
Do not forget to use your hands as well. Lift her hair up gently as you bring your mouth closer to her neck. Then, as you sink your teeth into it, pull on her hair slightly so as to give that "I want you sooo bad" impression.
This part of a woman's body is also a good place to start giving her that sensual massage you are famous for and no woman can resist.

Ears: Many women enjoy having their ears licked, sucked or kissed. Although blowing in her ear is acceptable, it's not what women enjoy most. Besides the few little things that I have mentioned they also like it when you whisper in their ears. (This is based on interviews done with many of my female friends who are married but not happy with their sex lives for their husbands find it dirty to lick such objects)
They enjoy sweet nothings not something like, "What time do the playoffs start tonight?" Try to be somewhat erotic and give her the shivers up and down her spine instead. Instead tell her how beautiful she is and how much you love her.

Wrists:This may come as a shock to most guys but did you know that a woman's wrist is an erogenous zone. Women love having their wrists nuzzled and nibbled by their partners. The next time you're getting into the foreplay of things with your woman, woo here with soft sensual kisses and caressing her wrists and just check out how impressed and turned on she'll become!

Breasts (nipples): As I am sure this is no surprise to anyone, the breasts are very sexually sensitive and gentle fondling, squeezing, caressing, licking and sucking of the nipples can be extremely arousing. Just as well, many women like it when their guys get a little rough with their breasts, so find out how she likes it and give it to her the way she wants!

Behind the Knees: Another shock! Because of all the nerve endings behind the knees, you'd be surprised at how crazy a woman can become when you gently lick or nibble on the back of her knees. Soft gentle nibbles and sweet soft butterfly kisses. She will love it. Try it!

Feet: Many women enjoy having their feet touched, massaged and some even enjoy having them licked and sucked. Now this of course is assuming that their feet have been properly cleansed, sounds silly but you make the conclusion. Women enjoy it when their men spend time caressing their soles, toes and ankles (all are hot zones in their own respective way). Because these zones can all be ticklish, the sensation of ticklishness can be pleasant for the recipient. Most men cringe at the thought of wrapping their mouths around a body part that spends most of its day sweating in leather but you should try the idea of giving your woman a good toe lashing every now and then. If you do not like the thought of touching your tongue on her toes, try and make it interesting. Try adding whipped cream or something fun like that. Make it fun, loving your partner is not supposed to be a stressing act.
Buttocks: Yes, it's true. Lots of women like it when you play around with their behinds. A lot of women like mild spanking and squeezing of the buttocks. But there's more... Now this is not something that I made up or like to describe but this is for the women who do like it.
Some women like having their butts licked, sucked and penetrated (with fingers, penis or both). For those who shudder at the thought of sticking their tongues out at Uranus perhaps you may want to give it a try and bring variety into your life than just being a boring lover. Inner

Thighs: Yet another shocker! I bet, you may have not tried it yet. Now the inside of the thighs are highly sensitive to touching, stroking, nibbling and licking. Just like the back of the knees, inner thighs also have many nerve endings, therefore when you fondle them, you will turn her on like crazy. Remember not to bite only to nibble gently because the area is very sensitive and doing so would only cause her mild pain. Iam sure that I have saved the best for last. Inner

Arm and Arm-pit: The skin is very thin here, so the lightest touch can give her goose bumps. Gently run your fingertips up and down her inner forearm and lightly stroke her wrist, a sensitive pulse point. You can also gently kiss or nible or lick her arm-pit.

Vagina/Clitoris:The clitoris can be stimulated by using the tongue, the Finger or, for the multi-talented, both simultaneously. Some women like to guide their lovers as to the specific amount of pressure they enjoy. The key to a great sex life is communication. Communicate with your partner and be honest as to what you want and enjoy.
For those who have not had that luxury, it's usually quite evident whether or not she's pleased with your performance. For instance if she begins getting squirmy, make sure that it's because she's enjoying it and not because you're giving her that "annoying" feeling. If she is enjoying it you will defiantly see the results of your actions. See will be wet from the vaginal secretions from all the pleasure that you are giving her.
When you are ready to move on to something more and are ready to take her over the edge even more find her g-spot. In the vagina, the G-Spot may be a little difficult to locate, but some women find the search quite worthwhile. There is an area inside some women's vaginas that produces intense sexual feelings when stimulated. Once located, very gentle stimulation gives an incredibly pleasant and unusual sensation. So what are you waiting for......... TREAT YOUR WOMAN LIKE A WOMAN....

True Friends.. Are Hard To Come By....

Yup Indi's back! Life has been really sad ever since I got the news of my dad going into coma. Eventhough we are not so close but I've always respected and loved him for making me a strong individual. I thank him for all that he thought me during my childhood days and seeing him in a vegetable state-yes a big man, proud and full of ego, now lying still and almost motionless, barely surviving on a life support machine makes me think again that life is so short and so fragile. Well I just got back from India-Yup! Incredible India-after having lost my valuables(camera, 2 handphones and some cash and to top that all a bill that came to RM720 as the thief used my line to the max.
However, last Thursday on my way to Miri and at 30,000ft above sea level, my thoughts started pondering on the meaning of friendship and the people who couldn't- care- a- less about what others have to say. The predicament that I went through- little did I know-was also shared by my friends in the office. I was really touched by their sincere thoughts and kind words of encouragement but above all the initiative that they took to cover some of my losses won my heart. It is not so much of the money that matters but the Thought That Counts. I never expected them to do this but they went- all- out- against all the odds to ensure (eventhough they know I don't need it) that they show me they are my family and they care about me. It is really hurting to know when a kind deed by friends is deemed and perceived as setting precedents and what not. And worst still, coming from people we regard as close friends. Such shallow thinking. I mean if you don't want to be part of something good then please, just remain silent so as not to hurt the other person(s). I always believe that when people do something good they always do it sincerely and without malice and not of setting precedents. Imagine if the world is full of people worrying about setting precedents at every kind gesture then who is going to help the people in need of help? Help can come in many forms not necessarily money. Like the old infamous but often misused adage- A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED. But when you see your own close friends stopping others from doing kind deeds and lament about setting precedents, it really hurts. The best or the least one can do is to remain silent because if you call some one your friend then it should be you-the one to take the first initiative- without even pausing for a moment to think about helping. Helping a friend can come in many ways. I know I m blunt but I have wondered in times past if I need to tone this down(which I have over the years)...or if I can, for that matter. Being honest is so key in my friendships that I can't imagine not telling someone the truth if they ask for it. But we all know "friends" who do this. They tell you what they think you want to hear. Are they being true to you? Seriously, do you ask if you look fat in a pair of jeans because you want your friend to tell you that you look skinny and walk around looking chubby? Or would you rather a friend tell you that they aren't flattering....and help you find a pair that look great on you?! I pick brutal honesty over misguided kindness.When my friends ask me for my opinion on something...I give it to them straight. Hey, they asked, so I assume they really want to know what I think. But make no mistake, there are some people out there they really don't want to know the truth.....they just want someone to tell them that what they are doing is O.K....even if you think it isn't. That their choices in life are not selfish, or dangerous, or misguided....even if you think they are.These people don't really want friends, they want enablers. They want people in their lives that can give that affirmation for behavior that they know isn't healthy for them or those they love.My life is too crowded for "friends" like that.Thank You to all of the honest women and men in my life who I call "friend".I couldn't survive without you.
Even if your life is perfect and everything is running like clock work, one day you still may get into trouble or there will be a problem that you will not be able to solve yourself. What you do is call a friend, a person whom you can always rely on. He or She will never betray you and your secrets, never lie, never deceive. Once you have no way out and problems seem to surround you like enemies, your mind goes blank and the only desire you have is to hide your head in the sand and pretend that you don't hear or see what is going on. And then the friend comes, the rescuer, a fresh mind and a strong hand to pull you out to the surface and help you to face your problems. But does your friend correspond to that description? We are surrounded by a lot of people daily, who claim to be our friends. We spend much time with them thinking of them as friends. But when it comes to help or advice they all seem to disappear, to evaporate suddenly after leaving you with a thousand made up excuses. You feel deceived and have no idea of what to do. Then a thought dawns on you that in your phone book there is still a number of an old friend of yours that you haven't seen for years now. You know that if you call this person and ask for help, he'll wake up in the middle of the night, loan you all his money, give shelter even if he has a family of six to keep. A friend like him will even cover your back when you had some of your crazy affairs and never complained when he had been getting in trouble for his help. He always seemed to fail his work to try his best to do your work. But there is also strange thing you remember; you didn't really appreciate all his efforts to help you. They were so numerous that you started to take them for granted and didn't even pay attention to what had been done for you.
It was so weird to see that somebody was ready to help you out of willingness to make your life better, that it was hard to believe that it was so. It was an inseparable part of your friendship. If you are a friend you have to give, do, make and so on. But in the world we live today Friendship is turned into an exploitation of a person who cares about you. Meanwhile you continue to have fun and relax with others and leave all the difficult things on your friend's hands. Than suddenly you've stopped communicating. After all these years of true friendship your friend disappeared and there was no sign of him for a long time. "Oh well, that wasn't a big loss", you think, and continue to live not even trying to find out what has happened. And now you are making a poor show every time you try to improve the situation. There is nobody beside you and you burst into curses, thinking about liars that surround you now. You dial a number of an old friend with shaking hand and pray for him to be there for you. You hear a familiar voice and start explaining, and ask to forgive at the same time. The situation goes back to normal. You feel that everything is going to be alright; your friend is coming to save the day. A minute later you sit in the kitchen drinking coffee and look in your friend's wise worried eyes. At one moment you turn into a normal person from the idiot. But sometimes it is too late.............. To my family(The list as was given to me after much forcing) that never stopped giving, loving and caring sincerely for me even when I tried to stop you guys- CINDY, ESTHER, JAIMIE, JASON, PIRASAH, JIN HUI, STEFAN,MICHELLE, JULIA, ANIS, SUH MIN, MANROSHNI, NEON (AND IF I MISSED OUT ANY ONE PLEASE LET ME KNOW SO THAT I CAN ADD YOUR NAME TO MY FAMILY LIST) I AM PROUD AND HONOURED TO HAVE ALL OF YOU AS MY FRIENDS AND ABOVE ALL AS MY FAMILY. THANK YOU FOR BEING WONDERFUL, KIND, CARING AND SINCERE FRIENDS TO ME.

Of Marriages, Love And Relationships

Well I know some of you are wondering why on earth am I talking about it when I am not even married? Well I have been going steady with my girlfriend for almost 12 years now and mind you, this love relationship have lasted more years than an average marriage does. I met some old college friends recently who got married in their late twenties but unfortunately they are divorced now and I was told that their marriage only lasted for about 3 years. Believe me that after being with someone for 12 years is no longer like- Cupid- Just-Shot- His Love Arrow- into your heart. A solid 12 years of Love relationship will eventually become a Husband-Wife type of relationship minus the legal documents of course. Anyways the reason why I'm pondering over this subject-matter is because one of my colleagues is getting married come this July and she asked me this ultimate question: What makes a Happy Relationship? I am not a 'Guru' on relationships but from my own relationship with my beautiful Rose, I have something to tell and share about what makes the flame in the relationship burning whether be it in a marriage, love or friendship and I will give you some answers to a happy relationship and of course... lah Happy Marriage too .
Well, Men and women need answers, Men need to be desired and women need to be loved... We all want and need more love into our Lives. When two people decide to be together, it is because they are hoping that this person will be able to fullfill their every need. They want to feel safe and secure, loved and desired, romanced and respected. We all have these qualities, but sometimes we just tend to take things for granted and lose appreciation for what really matters. (Sharing love!) Lets get focused and back on track. Spark that fire, enhance romance, and spice it up. For sure you will be delighted. Don't be the man without love or the women seeking love...Answer these questions: Do you want a more passionate and romantic relationship? Do you want more happiness and love in your life and in your marriage? Do you want a more satisfying and fulfilling marriage/relationship? If you have ever asked yourself any of these questions you need an approach to finding and achieving greater love, joy and well being in your life and in your marriage/relationship. How do you develop all the qualities that love generates to make your life happier and healthier? Loving means caring for the well being of us and others, sharing the good times and the challenging times, sharing what is on our minds and hearts. How do you love others more? You already give all you got. There is a way. You can have more loving, caring, sharing, and affection, better relationships, more fun and more bliss in your relationship. Let's encounter the challenges, between the both of you can succeed. Why not take charge of your life and your marriage/relationship, practice the things you know will bring more of the good life. Deep inside of you there are powers that if discovered and used would allow you to achieve all that you ever dreamed or imagined you could become.Go For it! You can do it! You're the Best!Do yourself a favour and start doing it now ... Don't start when it is too late. It takes TWO TO TANGO. Relationship or Marriage is not a one-way street. It is a two-way street. Love is a beautiful thing ...We all need to be desired, loved and need attention. MARRIED PEOPLE NEED TO STAY HAPPILY MARRIED. LOVERS WANT TO BE ALWAYS HAPPY TOGETHER. NEWLY WEDS LOOK FORWARD TO EXCITING TIME TOGETHER. All of us are looking for the ultimatum-HAPPINESS IN A RELATIONSHIP. How do we keep the relationship burning with flames and without too much of smoke?

LIKE I SAID I'M NOT A 'GURU' BUT HERE ARE SOME ANSWERS TO A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU TO PONDER ON AND USE IT IN YOUR LIFE- THAT ALSO IF YOU WANT TO.....
* Be spontaneous with your partner, it is a way to help your relationship flourish. Being spontaneous with your partner can enrich and strengthen your intimate moments. try something that you have been wanting to do.
*Make Touching And Hugging each other a 'Religion'. They say, the more you touch a person the more closer they will get to you. Touching makes the bond stronger. Next time do watch Discovery Channel on Animal Kingdom and see for yourself how touching is practiced in the animal world to ensure a strong bond among the clan. If couples can touch a lot during courting times then this should be carried into the marriage as well.
* Talk, listen and laugh together and become best friends. You will soon start creating a bond of intimacy. Be sincere open and honest. Always Communicate about love, sex and the relationship.
* Send Love Notes, post them everywhere, tell them how gorgeous, handsome, Beautiful, sexy, how much you love them, be creative be specific.... (You have brains don't you?)
* Compliment each other lovingly in public and in privacy, show affection for each other ... (Don't be afraid to kiss in public)
* Show them how much your really care by being responsive, caring and loving whole heartedly. Do the little things that say I love you and care for you. (Put you ego aside)
* Respect each other whole heatedly, partners who treat each other with kind and respect know that it is essential for having a deep connections and loving relationship..
* Be a good partner --regularly get them something you know they will like and enjoy ..
* Don't let negative or annoying comments bother you, discuss the negativity when you are both calm.
* Communicating without fear is absolutely essential to building the deepest kind of friendship and intimate partner. Love is a Beautiful thing! Let's share it ...Expect marital problems, but keep in mind that if your partner does not want to take part it could be that your partner could be feeling hurt and disappointed in the relationship because their need has been misunderstood or neglected. Understand the problem and if you need help seek help from friends or family before it becomes a nightmare.

Relationships need to be nurtured and fed with Vitamins and the Vitamin is called LOVE. It takes a lot of understanding, dedication, love and sacrifice from the two of you to keep the FLAME BURNING. If you want to keep "The Marriage/Love/Relationship" then you must be prepared to make this sacrifices to find happiness. You must enter into a conscious, honest marriage, and you have a good chance of keeping your Love, for the rest of your lives, and beyond.
The other option, of course would be to file for divorce and exit from the relationship to find the next level of happiness... Being You!

Life And When Is It Time To Change it?

Life changes.. that's what people tell you when there are changes in their lives. We speak of life almost everyday. As I watch my colleague C slowly transforming from a bubbly little girl into a mother today, makes me truly admire life and the choices that we have in our life, and the changes that can come about by making choices or not making choices.
How do we know the time is right to make it happen for us? Well, we don’t. Who knows when it is the right time to make a change in your life? I can, however, share with you when is not the time: When you are in your grave. That is going to be a little late for everyone.
People will tell you that today you should think about tomorrow, that you should be realistic, reasonable, and responsible in what you want for the future. You know what they are really saying - they don’t think you can achieve, and they don’t want you to be disappointed when you do not achieve. And these are the people closest to you. They really do care and they don’t want you to get hurt going for the brass ring, for the gold, for everything in life. People close to you will kill your dreams faster than anyone.
So, when do you start and what do you want- not what does someone else want for you.
When do you decide to take a risk and move forward with your life? I read another sad story a few days ago, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, by Mitch Albom, and the story was about a man in his eighties who dies. Now, the interesting part of the story to me is how the man lived his life, and that in the end all of his thoughts and dreams were of something other than the life he had lived. He never achieved what he wanted in life. He thought of achieving some greatness and moving on from where he was born to do other things in life, but in the end he died in his parents’ apartment that he moved into after his mother died. He lived there with his wife until she died, and then lived the rest of his life doing the same thing that he had done all of his life. He died in an accident, and as people came into his apartment to finalize his death they found a neat apartment that was clean, and did not have much in it. He was a simple man who thought about dreams, yet decided the dreams were not meant for him. A man that was good, and his final act in life was to save a life.
This is making the story simple, but the point I am trying to make here is to ask, when is the time to take a risk to move forward in life?
When is not the time? When do we not take risk in our lives? When do we wait and hope that our lives will change? Life will not change unless you make a choice, and just because you make a choice doesn’t mean that something is going to happen.
The man in the story thought about change, he even thought about making a choice to change his life, but he couldn’t see himself changing. If you don’t see yourself changing in your mind’s eye then it won’t happen, because you see yourself as someone who is X, not XX. And until you can see yourself as something other than you are right now, you won’t change, because you can’t. You are afraid of the things that might happen, or not happen. Your fears of the unknown and possible failure keep your self-image where it is now. This fear will not allow your self-image to grow, and if your self-image will not grow then any choices you make that would make a change in your life can’t happen. If you can’t see yourself change, you can’t change.
If you can’t see yourself change, then you have fear of failure and success. It becomes difficult to set goals and develop a definition of who you are. Your attitude, while it may not be negative, isn’t positive. You don’t see yourself taking risk in life; as a result, you might make life worse than it is right now, rather than better.
When is the time to take a risk and start to do the things that you would like to do? If it isn’t now, when is it?
And what sort of risk should you take? Should you put your toe in the water and see how the temperature is? Should you jump in and get wet, and get used to the water temperature? Some people will tell you to go slow and others will say go for it, but you have to go forward and at least put a toe in to start your self-talk that you can change. You do have choices.
There is risk in living life. Risk is something that none of us want in life for the most part. We would like everything to be guaranteed. Yet no matter what, nothing in life is guaranteed.
Your time for happiness is not guaranteed; your time for sadness is not guaranteed. No one knows when you are going to die. No one knows whether you’re going to have children, or how many. No one knows if you are going to get a divorce. No one knows if you are going to have an accident. No one knows the future, and what you are going to make of your future is going to be pretty much up to you. I would say that everything is up to you in the long run and even in the short run. Right now you can make a decision to change or not to change.
So when is the time to start to make your dreams come true? When is the time to start to dream? And as you dream those thoughts, do you think that you could ever make them a reality?
When do we stop being afraid of life and take charge of what is important to us? What happens to the people around us as we take charge of our own life?
What a difference it would make if we at least thought of the things that we would like to do and wrote those things down on a piece of paper. If we can put our thoughts about what is really important to us on paper, could we see that these things would be good for our life and that it would be worth the risk to move forward and change our thinking about who we might be and who we might be able to become?
You have the power in your mind that can be translated into a physical form so that you can clearly define what you think would be good for you in your life. What will make a difference to you and the people around you?
Do you think that the people around you want you to be the same all of your life and never change and grow? Well, sometimes we do. Don’t we wish our children would be one age and never grow up? Probably not really, but I hear parents say how some age was such a great age for their kids, and now that their kids are older they are different, like teenagers that want to live their own lives. Very dangerous stuff. Someone lives their own life, and then what happens - why do we lose all of that vim and vigor for life and settle down to a nice quiet life? Why do we change? Has life beaten us down by the time we are 30 or more so that we no longer want the big dreams? Or do we still want them someplace in our hearts but have given up and resigned ourselves to where we are now in our life, never taking a risk or going forward.
Why do we do that to ourselves? Our friends and relatives will tell us that we have grown up and matured in life.
We lose the time of our life and move forward to being mature, responsible, reasonable, and realistic. And then we die. It doesn’t seem that we need to wait for death; I think we find it when we don’t do anything about living for today, changing our present so that our future changes.
When is the time to fire up your life- you can start now, because what you think is what you will become. Whatever you think in your present will become your future. If you think this or that you will become it. As Shah Rukh Khan said, “Change a person’s mind and you change their life.”

Last Saturday morning I watched Selamat Pagi Malaysia and during one of the hours of the show they talked about goals, who has them, and what it takes to achieve them. Well, not very many people called in, and after the show the host said, “What do you expect? No one has any goals.”
Shocking, isn’t it? We don’t have goals to control the time that we live. We just go with the flow like a river that takes the easy way around every obstacle. It seems sad that while the simple act of writing down what you want will make a difference in your life, we don’t do that simple act.
I wonder why, if we know that we could change our life just by writing things down, that we don’t do it. We know that goals can change our life and yet we don’t have any.
Oh, maybe we have some dreams, but we dismiss dreams as just that - things that we dream about but that could never be real.
I want to tell you my dear friends that your dreams can be real, but you have to take real action. And the time to take action is now!
We do things that are destructive to our lives. I do, you do, we all do. But we don’t have to continue to do these things in our lives if we have alternatives.
And what are those alternatives? Things that we have written down so that we become what we want, not just what we end up. We don’t want to become things that have been told to us and we now believe.
What if a teacher, a counselor, a religious person, a politician(since elections are around the corner), someone that has a position of power tells you something that is negative about yourself- do you believe them?
Do you program yourself because of what other people have said about you?
I know that people have told me that I was a dreamer, that I will never ever get my LLB, and that I should just get a job or help dad at the restaurant for the rest of my life or just go to work, make some money and not hope for too much.
People may have told you that you are just normal, that you are just someone who should be happy with what you have and you shouldn’t go for more, and so you don’t have any goals. You don’t aspire for more and accept that what you have now is what you are going to have in the future, and you have given up on life. So when someone talks about goals or great things that could happen to you, you dismiss them as dreams, as something that will never happen in your life.
Well now is the time to break out. Please, if not for the people around you, then for me my dear friends. Start living the life that you want.
In a way, you do live the life you want anyway; whatever you think now will become your future, whether it happens slowly or quickly.
Whatever you think now becomes your future.
What do you want the future of you to look like?
You know we must always focus on the good things that we accomplish instead of the bad things. You know that teachers, coaches and bosses like to point out the bad, so you need to focus on the good things that you accomplish.
You just have to pick out the positive in your life and concentrate on that and what you are doing now - not in the future - to make your life better.
This is not some kind of magic but just a way of looking at yourself in a different light.
You are a winner. You can succeed. You have done many things that are great accomplishments. What are they? Remind yourself.
The time is now to tell yourself the truth about yourself: you can be anything that you want to be, and you should feel good about yourself. You are successful, because you accomplish things that are important to you.
Take out that pen and spend some time on you and what you have accomplished, and what you are doing now. Life Changes so must you my dear friends...

Happy Valentines Day- Romance, Love Or Lust - 14 Feb 2008

Yup what else can you write about if not Valentines Day today. Seeing the happy faces of my colleagues receiving bouquet of flowers today it made me to wonder whether they do know the origins of Valentines Day. I see it as a very mysterious day as it does not only bring joy, happiness in peoples life but it also brings political unrest in some countries. Every Valentines day you read in the newspapers about demonstrations asking for a ban on this day of LOVE. But why only on this day do we talk about GOD, Love and Lust etc. Take Thailand for example they actually imposed a ban on teenagers from checking into hotels on this day to prevent them from having SEX. The Thai Government announced yesterday that they are going to raid hotels & Motels on Valentines Day to arrest teenagers having SEX. I mean coming from a country having the highest no of prostitutes in the world and the largest country in the world whose population is affected with AIDS. But hey man.. this is Valentines Day. Never mind about Thailand take a look at India where there were violent-street-demonstrations today led by the right-wing Hindu party seeking a ban on Valentines Day and describing it as a day of Shame and Lust. And of course not to forget political -demonstration in the Middle East with the right-wing Muslim leaders announcing that they will Kill any Muslim celebrating the "American Culture". Hello! This is not American Culture and it has no origins in America. Please know your History. But just imagine, a day that comes only once a year can cause the world at large to react in many ways. Perhaps they should listen to our Prime Minister who once said that there is so much of empty space in our heart to LOVE DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Perhaps the world should heed his advise and I am sure there will be less violence in this cruel world. But is Valentines Day just about Making-Money today? Read on my friends

Romance, love, lust, big business or plain indifference, February 14th brings with it Valentine's Day. Research reveals that most Malaysians from all-walks-of-life (Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Christians and etc - even the orang asli) celebrate Valentines Day. Furthermore, women purchase approximately four out of every five Valentine cards and receive nearly half of all cards. Yet, men buy more cards for this day than any other except Mother's day. In these modern times, Valentine's Day is celebrated by exchanging cards and gifts -- flowers, chocolates, cookies and candies -- and also by spending time together with their Valentines(Yup.. candle- light diner.. and ahem! ahem! , enjoying pastimes such as eating out, parties, movie theater and other romantic outings.

But have you ever wondered where did the Valentine's Day tradition begin? Is romance still alive and well? Can the romantically involved as well as the uninvolved single celebrate with equal gusto? The answer is definitely yes. What does the younger generation think of Valentine's Day? Relax and read on more even if I am boring you.

THE ORIGIN OF VALENTINE'S DAY
There are varying opinions about the actual origins of Valentine's Day. Some experts say it started when the Roman emperor Claudius II had a difficult time recruiting men into his army. He believed it was because men wanted to stay home with their loves and their wives. To solve the problem, he decided to outlaw marriage for all young single men. However, there was a Roman priest named Valentine who did not agree and wed couples in secret. He was eventually discovered, thrown in prison and sentenced to death on February the 14th. Legend says that he had befriended the young blind daughter (What do you expect from someone with the name Valentine) of his jailer and that on the day of his execution, he sent a note to his young friend signing it, "From your Valentine." Some take the story further and say that when the young girl opened the note, a yellow crocus flower fell into her hand and for the first time in her life she saw brilliant color and could see.
For other origins, we can go back to an early Pagan festival of fertility as early as the fourth century BC. February 15th was set aside for the Roman feast of Lupercalia, a celebration of Spring and fertility in honor of Lupercus, the Roman god who was believed to be the protector of shepherds and flocks. Animals were sacrificed, feasts were held and it is believed that young women wrote love letters and left them in a large urn. Young men would then draw a note from the urn and pin it to their sleeves (hence the saying "wearing his heart on his sleeve"). Once the young man found the woman who wrote the note, the couple would be intimately joined until the next Lupercalia. We are told that women did have a choice in the matter and could indeed say no to a would-be lover.
Where do Cupid and that famous symbol of the bow and arrow come from? Well, apparently there is no link but the Cherub, actual name Eros, fits in so well with the story that he has become the accepted St. Valentine's Day mascot.

VALENTINE'S DAY IN OTHER COUNTRIES
There are many different customs celebrated around the world on this day of love and romance. For example in Scotland, equal numbers of young unmarried men and women get together and write their names on a piece of paper. The notes are put into hats, one for the men and one for the women. The names are divided up. Individuals might get more than one name but are supposed to stay with the Valentine who has chosen them. In Spain, courting couples exchange gifts. Husbands send their wives roses. In Italy it was customary for an engaged couple to announce their engagement on this day. In Malaysia.. yes we too buy Roses for our Valentines. Worldwide, poets and romantics have penned their admiration and love on this auspicious occasion. Other rituals and beliefs associated with Valentine's Day include picking a dandelion that has gone to seed, taking a deep breath and blowing the seeds into the wind while voicing an alternate "He loves me, he loves me not." In some countries a young woman may receive a gift of clothing from a young man; if she keeps the gift, it means she will marry him. The list goes on from love seats to loving spoons and loving cup traditions. What about color when thinking about giving roses? It is said that red roses are for passion, white for true love, yellow for friendship, pink for joy and black for goodbye.

VALENTINE'S DAY NOWADAYS
Is Valentine's Day really a special opportunity when we all can turn our thoughts momentarily to love and romance, or has it become big business to the point that it's now over-commercialized and has lost its true meaning? I asked a group of young people and rather surprisingly, they did not seem excited. Most thought Valentine's Day is okay if you are dating someone; others said if you are with someone, you should love them and be romantic every day, and that having Valentine's Day actually puts conditions and pressure on love Some even went to the extent of saying it is just a way for guys to get 'something' at night. What do you mean by 'something'?Hello.. we all are grown-ups. This is not PG rated. 'Something' means SEX. Anyways, I beg to differ with my colleague on this. Most agreed that they would probably buy someone a card and nearly everyone said they would be happy to receive a Valentine's Day card or gift eventhough some said they don't care whether they receive flowers or not. Yeah Right. Deep down every girls heart she would definintely feel SPECIAL receiving that special bouquet of flowers on this special day. Please don't deny it okay?
Next I turned my attention to singles. What do they think about Valentine's Day and how do they celebrate? Some said they will ignore it. Others will treat themselves and do something special, saying love and romanticism should be celebrated with or without a partner. So the news is good. Overall, even with our hectic lives, the idea of love is alive and well, and millions of people are out there plotting and planning the perfect Valentine surprise, gift or card. May the right-wing people the terrorist explore the world and grow-up to understand that it is not an 'American Culture'. It is 'WORLD CULTURE' today . MAKE LOVE NOT WAR. Happy Valentines Day.

Pangkor Island

Sunset At Pangkor

Pangkor Island 1 Feb 2008

Friendship: It's A Special Relationship

February 1st was a public holiday for us who work in the Federal Territory as it was a Federal Territory Day. My colleagues (not all though) and I, including our Boss decided to take this opportunity to go to Pangkor Island for bonding and relationship building time. I am still recovering from this extremely indulgent weekend. The journey there was interesting as we passed through 'kampungs'(villages) and there was a lot of 'green' along the way which you don't see in the city. While being at Pankor Island we were no longer colleagues or Boss and employee kind of relationship. We were friends. We joked, we laughed, and of course we had lots of fun together. It was amazing how all of us cared for one another and ensured that no one was left out from having fun. There was team spirit. As I was sitting on the beach my thoughts started wondering, can colleagues be friends or do they just remain colleagues and acquaintances (like some people in the office think so)? As the sunset drew nearer I started pondering over the meaning 'friendship' and 'relationship'. Are they the same or different? Or you can be friends but no relationship or is friendship a special relationship? I pondered and explored this subject upon reaching Kuala Lumpur and discovered............

There is no relationship quite like that of friendship. Not so irrational as love, yet far more intense than acquaintance, friendship is perhaps the least understood of human interactions.
Actual knowledge about friendship continues to be sketchy at best. Yet some popular wisdom is useful in examining the bond between friends:
…Friends have some interests in common.
…Friends share an on-going relationship, with periodic (although not necessarily regular) contact.
…Friends trust one another, at least to some extent, with information, money, safety, other relationships.
…Friends can say “no” to each other and still remain friends.
…Friends can see, and accept, the worst in each other.
…Friends rarely feel they “owe” each other anything; give and take is without obligation between them (perhaps with some limits!).
…Friendship is also characterized by understanding, communication, acceptance, lack of embarrassment, trust.

Friendship is held within us, an attitude toward another person much like love, anger, or prejudice. It requires no regular outward expression. It requires merely a feeling of commitment to the relationship. Often such a feeling is supported by the belief that the other person cares about you, that the other values the relationship as well. If we believe that we are important to each other — important enough that we think of each other warmly now and again — we will likely remain friends, even if we don’t see each other for years.

I also discovered that if you act assertively most of the time, you are more likely to have satisfying relationships than if you act in nonassertive or aggressive ways.
Do offer these assertive skills when developing a friendship:
• Take the risks necessary to build an acquaintance into a friend.
• Allow yourself to be seen as you are by your friend.
• Share something of yourself you would not ordinarily tell someone else.
• Be spontaneous with your new friend, suggest an activity on the spur of the moment, really listen to what is important in your friend’s life.
• Ask your friend’s advice with a problem or help with a project (remembering that an assertive friend can say “no” and still like you!).
• Simply tell the person you like him/her.
• Clear the air between you; if you are annoyed or suspect that your friend may be, bring it up.
• Get honest. Don’t let assumptions define your relation­ship. If the relationship can’t handle it, it probably would not have lasted anyway; if it can, you’ll be miles ahead!

Exploring this meaning, I am thankful that I have friends who are also my colleagues and buddy you should have been there. :) Anyways can't wait for another trip with you guys.

Why Fear Change..

The recent Chinese New Year Holidays gave me an opportunity to meet an old friend of mine whom I last saw a couple of years ago. Our conversation turned to the topic why people fear change and afraid to pursue their dreams and goals. Why do they let fear stop them from pursuing their dreams? When I asked her about her dreams she told me she has not given any thought to her dreams and would let her boyfriend or to-be-husband-soon decide for her future. I just wonder what would happen if the guy someday- (touch-wood) it won't happen-decides to divorce her for whatever reasons, then what...? I remenber she used to have dreams of running her own cafe but she has since given up on the idea because she's afraid that it may fail.

Why do people fear change and let it stop them from pursuing their dreams? Many people have goals and dreams that they will not realize because they are afraid to pursue them. The sad fact is that only 4% of our society actually set goals for themselves. Are you following your dreams and goals or are you a person who fears change?

People fear change and I have never understood that because you have nothing to fear. What is that you fear? People stay stuck in a job for twenty plus years because they are afraid to pursue that career that they would love to do. People also never start that business that they would love to do because fear of failure stops them. Whatever it is people truly want to pursue; they do not have the courage to follow it because they let fear stop them.
If people would not let fear stop them and continue to pursue their goals they would live a life filled with more joy, abundance and prosperity. However you can not truly experience these qualities if you continue living a life you are not 100% happy with. Fear is just a state of mind there is really nothing to fear after all if you fail to reach one goal, there is no shame in it. As long as you learn from your failures and keep working towards your goals and dreams eventually they will become realized. Believe me I have not reached all my goals that I have ever set for myself, but it has not kept me from setting more goals and working towards them.

If you set goals for yourself and do not reach them; do not give up on them. People fear change because they are scared of the unknown. Sometimes the unknown is better than the known. I am not sure about you, but I would rather wake up knowing that I am setting my own destiny rather than letting someone set my destiny for me.

Next time you want to pursue something do not let fear change your mind. Be brave enough to follow your heart and your dreams. After all you only live once and if you fail to do what you love you will not experience true happiness. We were all meant to live a life we truly love. If you learn how to develop your faith you can learn how to possess the courage to do anything. Faith is the opposite of fear, and it is better to focus on faith than fear.

People fear change because they have not learned how to develop their faith. Do not be one of them, believe that faith can get you through and help you achieve anything you desire. Life should be easy and free flowing without the fear of failure; your mind loves to make you think that you cannot do things because the ego likes you to remain where you currently are. It is scared of change; however as you continue to set goals for yourself and work on your beliefs about your ability to reach your goals and dreams you can program your subconscious to achieve anything you desire.

A Journey To GOD - Thaipusam Batu Caves 23-01-08

It was an interesting morning today(23-01-08) as after almost 12 years being away from Thaipusam, I decided to go and witness it for prayers and photography. And why not since it is a Holiday- thanks to our beloved PM for declaring Kuala Lumpur And Putrajaya as public holday. I was amazed at the crowd of devotees, the kavadi bearers, people pierced with hooks, the drum beaters, curious onlookers and tourist alike at Batu Caves. They were all there to see the ever colourful, ever mysterious and ever enchanting festival of Thaipusam. Most of them were there either to fulfill their vows or just being there since it is a holdiay or just want to be part of it but very few Malaysians know the reasons behind the celebrations. We get excited because it is a holiday. Have you ever wondered why it is celebrated? So for the ignorant few read on to know the reasons behind Thaipusam celebrations.

Thaipusam -A festival occurring in the Tamil month Thai (January-February), the day of the star Pusam around Pournami (Full Moon) is celebrated as Thai Pusam. It is a special day for worship of Lord Muruga (also known as Subrahmanya or Thendayuthapani) and is celebrated in a very grand manner at all Murugan temples, especially at the 'Aaru Padai Veedu' of Murugan (These are six temples in India especially dedicated to Lord Muruga). This festival honours Muruga or Subramanya, the son of Shiva. There are several legends about this festival. Here are a few of them:

The Legend - A rich legend lies behind the origins of Thaipusam. Popular narration goes that the great Saint, Agasthya, instructed his student, Idumban to uproot two hills called Sivagiri and Shakthigiri belonging to Lord Murugan and bring it back to him. As commanded, Idumban flew to Mount Kailai Range where the hills rested and picked them up ready to fly back. But alas, Lord Murugan had other plans. He wanted to test Idumban’s mettle and devotion to his master. He reduced his size, to that of a small child and promptly stood atop one of the hills. Suddenly Idumban found that he couldn’t carry the hills anymore. To his bewilderment, a child was standing haughtily on the hill. Idumban humbly requested the boy to get down. When the child refused, Idumban flew into a rage and tried to attack him, only to find himself falling like an injured bird. Lord Murugan then reverted to his original self and appeared before Idumban. "I am pleased with your courage and determination," he said. "Your devotion to your guru is admirable. I now bestow on you the honor of being my guardian" Lord Murugan then proclaimed that henceforth, those who carried kavadis to see him, would receive his blessings. Today, thousands of Hindus carry kavadis as offerings to the Lord during Thaipusam. The kavadis symbolize the hills of burden that Idumban shouldered.The other version was a demon named Tharakasuran who was troubling the Rishis and Saints. Lord Muruga was called by his parents Lord Shiva and Parvati and given the job of destroying the asuran. Lord Muruga set off with the blessings of his parents, to destroy the demon. He carried twelve weapons, eleven of which were given by his father Lord Shiva and the 'Vel' given by his mother Parvati. Lord Muruga destroyed Tharakasuran on the Pusam Nakshatra day in the Tamil month of Thai and hence Thai Pusam is celebrated in all Murugan temples.In another legend, that on a Thursday in Thai that also happened to be the day of Pusam star and pournami, Shiva and Parvati were engaged in an ecstatic cosmic dance, as Brahma, Vishnu, Indra and the Devas watched. This indicates that this is a day ideal for worship of Shiva.According to another legend, as Shiva was imparting a mantra to Parvati, Subrahmanya eavesdropped on them. For that error, Parvati laid a curse on him, in line with the rule that even a son, if erring, must be punished. To be redeemed from her curse, Subrahmanya offered hard penance at Thirupparankundram. Pleased with his penance, Shiva and Parvati manifested before him and lifted the curse. The day on which Parvati's curse on Subrahmanya was lifted was a Thai Pusam. It is thus a special day for worship of Lord Subrahmanya. Yet another legend has it that Kaveri, grieving that she had not secured the eminence acquired by Ganga through her position atop Shiva's locks, sat under a peepul tree on the banks of Sara Pushkarini and offered penance to Narayana. Pleased by her penance, Narayana appeared as a baby in her lap. That day when he manifested thus was, again, a Thai Pusam.No matter what the legend, the rites that are followed are fairly similar. On Thaipusam day, devotees make offerings to Lord Muruga for eradicating the ills that afflict us. Perhaps the most potent propitiatory rite that a devotee of Shanmukha undertakes to perform is what is known as the Kavadi. The benefits that the devotee gains from offering a Kavadi to the Lord are a million-fold greater than the little pain that he inflicts upon himself.

The Significance Of Kavadi

The Kavadi - Generally, people take a vow to offer the Lord a Kavadi for the sake of tiding over a great calamity. Though this might, on the face of it, appear a little mercenary, a moment's reflection will reveal that it contains in it the seed of supreme love of God. The worldly object is achieved, no doubt, and the devotee takes the Kavadi; but after the ceremony he gets so God-intoxicated that his inner spiritual being gets awakened. This is also a method that ultimately leads to the supreme state of devotion.
The Kavadi has various shapes and sizes, from the simple shape of a hawker's storehouse (a wooden stick with two baskets at each end, slung across the shoulder) to the costly palanquin structure, profusely flower-bedecked and decoratively interwoven with peacock feathers. In all cases the Kavadi has a good many brass bells adorning it and announcing it as the Kavadi-bearer draws it along. As the Kavadi-bearer very often observes silence, the bells are the only eloquent signs of a Kavadi procession.
The two baskets hanging at each end of the Kavadi contain rice, milk or other articles that the devotee has vowed to offer the Lord. The more devout among them, and especially those who do it as a Sadhana, collect these articles by begging. They travel on foot from village to village, and beg from door to door. The villagers offer their articles directly into the basket of the Kavadi. The Kavadi-bearer continues begging until the baskets are full or the avowed quantity is reached, and then offers the Kavadi to the Lord.
Some keen devotees undertake to walk barefoot from home to one of the shrines of Lord Subramanya, bearing the Kavadi all the way and collecting materials for the offering. They have to walk a hundred miles sometimes! The people who place the articles in the baskets also receive the Lord's blessings.
The Kavadi-bearer is required to observe various rules between the time he takes up the Kavadi, and the day of the offering. He has to perform elaborate ceremonies at the time of assuming the Kavadi, and at the time of offering it to the Lord. He also puts on the dress of a Pandaram, a Saivite mendicant. It consists of a saffron-coloured cloth, a conical scarlet cap, and a cane, silver-capped at both ends. Lord Siva, the Supreme Pandaram Himself, loves to wear this dress. The Pandaram lives on alms only. The bare chest of the Kavadi-bearer is covered with several rudraksha malas.
The Kavadi-bearer observes strict celibacy. Only pure, Sattwic food is taken; he abstains from all sorts of intoxicating drinks and drugs. He thinks of God all the time. Many of the Kavadi-bearers, especially those who do it as a spiritual Sadhana, impose various forms of self-torture. Some pass a sharp little spear through their tongue, which is made to protrude out of the mouth. Others may pass a spear through the cheek. This sort of piercing is done in other parts of the body also. The bearer does not shave; he grows a beard. He eats only once a day. The spear pierced through his tongue or cheek reminds him of the Lord constantly. It also prevents him from speaking. It gives him great power of endurance.
The Kavadi-bearer enjoys a high state of religious fervour. He dances in ecstasy. His very appearance is awe-inspiring; there is divine radiance on his face. Devotees often experience the state of feeling united with the Lord. Sometimes the Lord enters them and possesses them for some time. Seeing Is Believing.

Lord Muruga And The Thousands Of Devotees

A Pierced Kavadi Bearer

Pierced All Over

Iron Rod In Mouth

Pierced Devotee

The Kavadi And The Drummers

Being Rich Towards God.. Schindler's List Visited

I finished watching a movie last night; one that I didn’t enjoy or want to watch, but knew I needed to see. It only took me 14 years to watch Schindler’s List (1993) and I couldn’t watch it all in one sitting because it was a hard film to view and process.
You’ve probably seen Schindler’s List already; the story of Oskar Schindler, a German businessman in Poland who learns to make money after the Nazis rise to power by running a factory and using bribes to win military contracts. Initially using free labour from imprisoned Jews to run his factory he develops a conscience after seeing what the Nazis are doing to the Jews in Krakow. Eventually he spends his vast fortune to rescue 1,100 of his workers from almost certain death.
Numerous times I had seen a clip from the end of the film showing Schindler expressing remorse that he didn’t make further sacrifices to save more people, but I didn’t know the context. In the scene, at the end of the war and as Schindler and his wife are preparing to leave, he laments not sacrificing more, like selling his car and his gold pin to buy more people while his accountant and friend Itzhak Stern tries to console him saying that he has done so much and saved generations of families. Earlier Schindler stated that he had more money than any man could spend in a lifetime. Yet in the days to come he would spend all of it on bribes to German officers to keep his workers out of the concentration camps and in his factory while meeting their needs for survival.
And so I wonder; if I was in Schindler’s position would I have spent my fortune to save as many people as I could? Would I feel joy over those who were saved or saddened by those who had been murdered? What circumstances would lead me to take that kind of action today? What is a person worth? Are there ways to use my money, time and possessions to help people who cannot help themselves? What would motivate a person to sacrifice at that level? Where does that kind of courage and conviction come from? What good is wealth if people are dying around me and I am able to do something about it?
I am reminded of a story that Jesus Christ told about a prosperous man who stored up his wealth for himself and was not “rich towards God”. What does it mean to be rich toward God? Why do I have so much? Does all that I have in life ultimately come from God? If so, does God expect something from me as a result? Although Oskar Schindler was not a particularly religious man it seems to me that he was “rich towards God” because of the way he valued people and gave his wealth to save them. How can we be rich towards God?